11/28 by uliaj06

six

As I walk away from him, my heart ached. 

I didn't know why, I despise him now, he's cruel and hurtful and unkind to others around him. He's one of the most selfish people I know. So why do I feel the longing of missing him?

I'm supposed to hate him—I do—but I can't deny that there's a piece of me that misses his company. I miss him being around.

No, I miss the old him. I'm allowed to miss the old him, I just don't like who he's become.

My annoyance however, is overpowering that feeling. He doesn't feel right anymore. I have no want to see or talk to him again, no expectations of who he became since I have a pretty good idea now.

I think I actually don't miss the old him. I miss missing him... If that makes sense.

It's disappointing what he became now.

Just two people in the wrong place at the right time.

I need air.

It feels like he sucked all the energy out of me. After all these years he still manages to drain me.

I feel trapped and suffocated as I push through the crowd of bodies to get to the balcony I spotted. It's the closest thing to an escape.

The classical music started to feel like I was drowning in time, ringing and irritating my mind. I can't keep up with the tunes of the orchestra, it is lovely though, they're really talented, it's me that's the problem.

The people dancing with smiles on their faces felt like everything was moving in fast-motion and I'm starting to disassociate. It's too overwhelming in here.

I get anxious and overwhelmed easily.

I didn't know if I could enter this area, but as I reached the closed doors that looked like windows stretched from the floor to the ceiling, I grasp the cold metal handle and looked around.

This is their chance to tell me I'm not allowed out here. If no one tells me, I'm opening these doors. It's probably locked anyways.

Oh, it isn't locked.

If I wasn't allowed out here, they would've kept the doors locked. They aren't idiots.

I open the doors slowly, not wanting to disturb anyone. Not that they were paying attention to me or that the doors made an unnecessarily loud noise, I just wanted to sneak away as unnoticed as possible. I couldn't stand accidentally grabbing someone's attention, I desperately wanted to be alone.

As soon as I fully step outside, the crisp air instantly makes its way into my lungs making me so relieved I smile.

I took slow deep breaths like the air I was breathing was the best thing I've felt this evening, and it actually may be, walking to the end of the balcony where the railings were.

Peering down at the city below me, I take my time and admire how pretty the scene before me looked. The road reminds me of the thrill I get walking on it. Childish, I know. And how the shadows of the signs looked so peaceful it should be photographed.

I've been out here for what seems like five minutes, staring out at the distance of the road and watching cars pass by in both directions. Really therapeutic I was in a trance.

"Hey." A deep voice made me jump.

I slowly turn to see who's disturbing my silence, finding a man next to me. He looks like he's in his thirties, maybe older, his cologne reminding me of the extremely overpriced ones that give you a headache.

"Hi," I say politely, turning away to escape his cologne.

"What's a lovely lady like you doing out here alone?" He tries to make conversation, making me feel really awkward.

"I needed some air." I force a smile.

"Would you care for some company?" He inches closer, making me uncomfortable and eyeing the door to leave. His face comes into frame, a way to tell me not to look at the event.

"Sure." I didn't want to be rude. "I'm not a big talker though."

"That's alright, Hun. I can do all the talking." He completely missed the point.

I take a deep breath a mentally prepare myself for the next few minutes I'm going to waste because I can't bring myself to leave. I don't want to be mean. He seems so pathetically lonely, it disgusts me.

"Of course, I'd find you out here." The exact voice I was trying to get away from says, making my heart drop and my eyes pinch shut in irritation, but it's overlapped by relief.

Tate's expression hardens as he looks at the man. He's a lot taller than him, making the strange man embarrassingly back away.

"Leave." He cocks his head to the door, a small motion only the man could've caught.

The older guy wastes no time going back inside the party, leaving me and Tate alone. I watch his balding head disappear through the people.

I stay put in my spot since I was here first. I stay silent, looking forward and paying no attention to Tate who I'm choosing to forget about.

"There's a party out there you know." He states matter-of-factly.

Of course, I know there's a party out there, I'm not a fucking idiot. Isn't it just so great how little he thinks of me? Maybe he can use that brain of his and comprehend that I want to be out here.

"I thought you were leaving." He asks in a bored voice as I feel him standing next to me.

Get away from me please.

I step slowly to the side to put more distance between us. The air somehow feels less enjoyable now that he's breathing it too.

A few moments of silence pass by. It's really uncomfortable out here I don't understand why he won't just leave. "Look. Ro, I know you don't-"

"Don't call me that." My posture stiffens. He doesn't get to call me 'Ro' anymore.

"And so she talks." He mutters. I think I may just jump off this balcony.

I take a deep breath to compose myself, getting ready to leave. It's not worth being petty over a stupid spot. I physically can't stand being around him.

"What are you doing out here?" He questions.

"Leaving," I answer vaguely with my back turned towards him, facing the direction of the event.

"Why?" Why does he ask such stupid questions?

I turn back around to face him. "What are you doing out here?" I return the question.

"Saving you." He shrugs.

"I didn't need saving." He's so full of himself.

"He was practically sniffing you by how close he was." A chill ran through my body. I wrap my arms around myself.

"So, you're watching me now?" I am grateful he came because, in all honesty, I'd much rather have Tate's company than the strangers. That's saying a lot.

He nods once, not ashamed or embarrassed to admit it.

"You're being creepy," I state. "Why would you watch me?"

"You're the prettiest one here. It wasn't intentional, I couldn't keep my eyes off of you."

I almost laugh. "You're hilarious," I tell him with a straight face.

"You think I'm lying?" He challenges.

"You probably say that to everyone. Does it actually work?" I stare at him dumbfounded.

"Is it working?" His lips turn up the slightest.

My eyes narrow at him. "No."

"I was watching to see when you'd leave." He finally reveals. That's a more reasonable answer.

"You don't want me here?" I taunt, moving back to my original spot against the railings.

I hear a light chuckle come out of his mouth. "Yeah. You're too distracting for me." He's a natural flirt. It's annoying.

We're both facing the same direction, towards the event, our backs to the city. I notice an older woman pointing to us, probably gossiping about who Tate Woods is talking to, wondering if I'm the next unlucky girl to be used by him.

My expression falters at their stares so I turn, my gaze at the city instead. Tate notices. "Thousands of people would pay good money just to be seen with me." He leans against the railings lazily, the wind softly blowing on his hair while the light from the event contrasts his face.

"Why would they do that?" I'm genuinely confused.

"Baby, haven't you heard? I'm pretty well known here." He retorts with a cocky expression while he fumbles with his rings.

"No, I haven't." I know of his high status. His family of millionaires, investors. Rich, shitty assholes. I know them, I just make sure I avoid everything about him. I don't like knowing he exists in this world.

"Is that so?" He tilts his head slightly to the side with a small grin.

I scoff, crossing my arms. "Not everyone wants to know you, Tate." I let him know quietly, turning again to leave. I hate myself for talking to him.

"Don't go," Tate speaks as my hand touches the handle.

I stop my movements in surprise, standing up straighter before turning around and running my hands through my dress to smooth out any fabric that wasn't in place. "Why not?" I challenge him.

He seems to stare at me like he doesn't know what to say, like his words just came out before he could think of any reason why he'd want me to stay.

He clears his throat and runs his fingers through his hair, stalling. "You came out here for a reason." His eyes wander to the lit-up room behind me. "Is that reason fulfilled or are you leaving early because of me?"

"Because of you," I state blatantly.

"Alright then." He sighs. "You should... stay out here." He stands straight. "I'll leave you to it."

I stay silent, staring at him in this black suit, perfectly tailored and fitted just for him as it seems, while he walks towards the door. Towards me.

He reaches for the handle and his fingers brush against mine. I quickly move my hand off the metal handle forgetting that it was still there.

He gives me a subtle look over up and down before closing the door, but I quickly stop it right before he closes it fully. His attention is back onto me as I open the door slightly, needing to ask him one last thing. "Am I allowed to be out here?" I make sure just in case.

"It's unlocked for a reason." The corner of his mouth quirks up vaguely.

I nod and give him a very small appreciative smile for the confirmation before fully closing the doors.

I take deep breaths looking up at the moon, looking for another form of peace. Alone at last.

.

I spend a few more minutes to myself quite enjoying this restful moment. The music whispering in my ear, blending in with the passing cars while I run my fingers along the railings and watch the city live from afar.

I can go home now but first I need to find Aelin.

I open the doors leading me inside of the space full of loud conversations and people. There's a dread being in here now that I found I like it better outside.

Where is she?

She's probably at a bar somewhere. I look back at the bar in the ballroom trying to see if she's there, but she wasn't. Assuming she's probably in the other bar in the other room, I walk, passing through people chatting, with drinks in their hands, wearing expensive suits and dresses, saying sorry repeatedly even though I didn't really touch anyone.

When I get to the other room, I found she wasn't there either. She better have not left without me.

I go to grab my phone from my purse to call her, but I realized I didn't have it. Panic coursed through me at the blank memory where I must've left it. I run my fingers through my hair trying to calm myself. But as I turn around needing to retrace my steps, I bump into someone's hard chest.

I almost fell but he grabbed my arms before I could, steadying me.

"Sorry..." I mumble, looking up to see who it was. Of course it was him.

I remove my hand from his immediately, then pulled down my dress that rode up a little.

"Tate, now is not the time, I really need to fi-"

"You left this." He interrupts.

He had my white clutch in his hand, angling it toward me. I grab it, bringing me instant relief.

"Thank you," I murmur with slight awkwardness. "Where'd you find it?"

"You left it on the bar counter. I had the bartender keep it safe behind the bar until I came back." He explained.

"Well thank you... again."

I look around him, trying to search for Aelin's blonde hair, or sparkling champagne colored dress.

"Who are you looking for?" He asks curiously.

"My friend..." I say blankly still searching for her. I start to walk around to try to get a different view.

"I can help if you want." He offers.

He's offering, and the sooner I find her, the sooner we can leave. I'm not going to be stubborn, and decline help just because of an incident that happened four fucking years ago.

We grow up. I hate holding grudges because in the end, it's only going to affect me. I want to move past this and end it. I'm tired of the anger and sadness, I want to let go of it finally.

"Sure." I draw out with aspiration.

"What does your friend look like?" He asks.

"She has golden blonde hair, brown eyes, 5'4, probably drunk..." I list. "She's wearing this champagne-colored dress." I add.

"Ok." He nods, his eyes searching the big room too.

I dig into my clutch and fish out my phone, ringing her and hoping she'll pick up already.

Tate raised his eyebrows questioning if she picked up. I shook my head no.

We went around the room looking for her, but she isn't there.

"Ballroom?" He asks me.

I nodded. I'd rather try not to communicate throughout this.

We went around, trying to look for her but she was nowhere.

"Maybe try looking near the parking lots. She might be waiting for you out there." He suggests.

"Will do," I murmured trying to catch my breath.

As we were scurrying outside in hopes of finding Aelin, I got a strong smell of his cologne.

Rowan, for the love of God stop... you need to remember what he did to you... This voice conflicts in my head.

But what's going to benefit me? I need to let it go.

"Did you get a haircut?" He said while grinning.

I looked at him up and down with crooked eyebrows and said, "Multiple."

We made it outside. Even the grass looked expensive. The air was rather chilly considering the time of day. Puffs of smoke came out of our mouths as we sighed. I began to gaze at the horizon in hopes of getting out of the awkward situation I was trapped in.

"We better get back inside if she isn't out here." He noticed me shivering. I wrap my arms around myself in hopes of warmth.

I nodded my head and began to walk slowly towards the door.

"We should try looking in the bathrooms. You said she was probably drunk right?" He said, trying to change the conversation.

"Yeah, free drinks so what do you expect?"

He shook his head while grinning.

"Let just hope she doesn't become an alcoholic like-" I cut myself off before finishing the sentence. I felt regret.

His mood changed.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"It's fine," he replied. "At least she isn't a drug addict."

My smile dropped. Like my brother, right?

I swallowed, looking down. Forget it, he didn't mean it.

I'm sure he just didn't remember. It was a long time ago for us, it's fine.

When we approached the bathroom, I spot a woman with a familiar dress, walking off-balanced through the hallway of the bathrooms.

"Aelin?" I question.

Her hair was all messy, her nude pink lipstick is gone, and she was stumbling, trying to get her left shoe back on.

"Rowan! Hi!" She says happily.

Then suddenly, a tall man with messy, light brown hair, holding an expensive looking purse came out of the men's bathroom and stood next to her.

I blankly stare at him and Aelin confused. As Aelin stood straight after putting her shoe back on, he put his hand on her waist.

"Oh wait." I hear him say. Then he starts zippering up the unzipped part of her dress.

Since when was her dress unzipped?

Oh!

I looked at them with wide eyes then started smiling. Typical Aelin.

He handed Aelin the designer purse, I assume. That isn't her purse... How did she get that?

"Aelin, who's purse is that?"

"Oh! It's umm it's mine now." She drunkenly smiles. "Tyson over here" She wraps her arm around his neck. "-gave it to me. He works for chantel- Chanel and when we went up to his hotel room, he gave it to me." She slurs.

Ugh I want a one too.

"Umm... are you ready to head back now?" I ask her.

"Yes! I'm exhausted!" She exaggerates.

I link my arms with hers and pull her away from Tyson.

"Do you have a ride?" I hear Tate ask next to me.

Shit. I was supposed to schedule an Uber to come get us.

"No... but we'll just get a taxi or something." I respond.

"I could give you a ride."

"No. No thanks." I quickly decline.

"I'll call you an Uber."

"No, it's fine. Really. We'll just get a ta-"

He already had his phone out, pressing it to his ear. He was making the call.

"I told you not to get drunk." I tell her while we move through the crowd.

"Free alcohol, Ro. Free alcohol." She says. Making me smile.

Me and Aelin make it on the other side of the room, the bar on our left, and the exit door to our right.

"You like my new bag?" She holds it up, smiling proudly.

"Love it. You should've gotten me one." I joke.

"Next time." She winks at me.

I see Tate come up to us. "The Uber will be here in 5 minutes."

I nod.

"Who is this?" She smirked at me.

"Tate." I respond.

"Ooo. Tate, Tate, Tate..." At first, she said it playfully, not realizing who it was, but I think by the time she said the last Tate, she realized who he was.

Her smile dropped and she started to give him the death stare.

"You! Ugh!" She heads toward him. "You fucking-" Before I could stop her, she slaps him. Hard. "-dick!" But not exactly on the cheek, she missed it since she probably couldn't see straight so she ended up slapping him across the front of his face instead.

He stares at her wide eyed with his hand on his face, wincing in pain. From the way she slapped his face, instead of just slapping him across his cheek, she ended up hitting his nose, eyes, pretty much the whole front of his face.

Good job, Ae.

Just when I thought she was done-

"God, you arrogant son of a bitch!" She kneed him in the groin. Hard.

He bent over, groaning in pain.

She bent down to him, just enough for him to hear her. "I would hit you again with my bag, but it's designer, and I wouldn't want it touching you."

I couldn't contain my laughter.

"Let's get out of here, Ro. I don't want to be around him anymore." Aelin tells me.

I nod, agreeing, with a huge smile on my face.

"Oh, hold on, I forgot something." She murmurs, quickly walking back to the bar.

I watch her as I wait, curious about what she's doing. She motions for me to come over to the bar with her.

Confused, I walked over to her to see what she needed me for.

I see the bartender guy behind the bar hand her this whole bottle of... Vodka? She thanks him as he hands her a different bottle of alcohol, which she hands to me. I turn it over to see what it is... Oh. Tequila. And the good tequila. Then he hands her a third bottle. What the fuck?

"Thank you, Tim! Hope you have a good night!" She smiles brightly at him as she holds the two big bottles of alcohol in each hand, walking away.

As we walk to the exit door, I see Tate sitting down in one of the chairs.

"Hill Finch, editor, Marc Jacobs' fashion show, 3 months." I say, over my shoulder, reminding him.

I turn my attention back ahead of us. I look at the other large bottle in her hand, still wondering what it is.

"What's the other bottle?" I ask her.

"Some wine. It's the good wine too." She says happily.

"How did you manage to get all of these?" I asked amused, as we walked out the room.

"I mean, free drinks, right?" She chuckled, making me laugh.

"Did you just ask him or something?"

"Well, I spent a lot of time at that bar. I wanted to try almost all their different types of alcohol because you know, it's the expensive alcohol, and why not? Then I found out, that guy behind the bar is actually pretty friendly and we started to talk, his name is Tim by the way. He's kind of my friend now and I asked him if I could take some vodka, tequila, and some wine home, and he said sure. I just told him I'll pick them up before we leave and, ta-da, we have good alcohol." She explains as we made our way outside the building.

As we go down the steps, I spot our Uber coming our way. God my feet hurt.

"I got all of them to go to the show by the way. Well two, I'm not sure about the other one because me and Tate made a deal, and he said he'd get him to go." I tell her.

"What did you have to do for the deal?"

"Dance with him." I speak.

"Dance with him?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"I don't know," I murmur as we reached the pavement, starting to walk to our Uber approaching us.

"Oh, also. I managed to convince three more people to come to the show."

"Who?" I asked as we step into the car.

"Tyson, the Chanel guy who gave me this purse, and these models, I can't remember the names of. I liked their outfits though." She tells me as she leans her head against my shoulder.

"I'll wake you up when we get there." I assure her, knowing she's exhausted.

She nods her head.

I look out the windows, watching the city of New York go by. The lights of the buildings, the different cars passing by the people outside.

I let my mind wander.