11/28 by uliaj06

twenty-two

Present day

5:10

Tate told me we needed to hurry or else we were going to miss it.

Miss what? I asked him.

He only responded with "you'll have to wait and see" as per usual. Always a mystery with him.

We're now driving off to only he knows whereas my eyes admire the city through the glass of the windshield of his car.

Buildings upon buildings, lights, cars, graffiti, billboards.

The radio plays between us, filling the silence, the bags of clothes we bought in the back. I saved myself the trouble this time and didn't look at the price since I knew I'd feel bad, even after his repeated reassurance that I didn't need to.

My mind fades back to the memory only moments ago when we carried the bags out of the boutique.

The power I felt walking down the streets with the two luxurious feeling bags in my hand was incredible.

But my favorite part was Tate carrying three bags next to me. Something about it was just so enjoyable. I was overfilled with an unnecessary amount of joy.

They gave each article of clothing an individual carrier. The ones in his hands were smaller than the ones I was holding, since I'm carrying the dresses while he carries the jackets.

Three jackets he bought. It was originally just two, one for each of us for the colder weather, but I guess he remembered me talking about wanting a leather jacket back at the bench where we fed the birds.

So now I have a leather jacket too.

Lost in my own head, I forgot to watch the view in front of me, and suddenly we're driving up to a beach.

"A beach?" I question, looking towards his direction.

"Mhm." He glances at me for a quick second, then turns his gaze back onto the road.

"What are we doing here?" I ask when he begins to park into one of the parking spaces.

He ignores my question, grabbing his phone instead, turning it on, then turning it back off soon after. I'm assuming he's checking the time.

"Come on." He opens his car door without warning, I follow.

It is fucking cold.

Automatically, I hug my arms, goosebumps rising on my skin. I stare out at the ocean, the sky painted so many different colors, and the salty smell of ocean water fills my lungs as I deeply inhale.

It effortlessly calms me. It feels like a hug.

A safe place.

"Put this on." I turn to see Tate offering me the new jacket he bought just for this occasion.

I thank him then put it on, the material hugging my body, giving me the heat I so desperately wanted.

I notice he's now wearing his too. I couldn't help but smile a little at the wind softly swaying his hair in different directions, giving him a more messy, carefree look.

He nods his head towards the beach, motioning that we should start walking. We head towards the beach, side by side, his hands in his jacket pocket, mine tucked inside the sleeves of my jacket.

Sand and this type of weather do not match well, but something tells me we're not going to be spending time on the shore.

We continue walking down the cement pathway, seemingly heading towards a pier.

It smells so strongly of the ocean, the waves crashing loudly near us and I swear it's the most beautiful sound.

It isn't too crowded, the weather mostly taking part in that. But I'm glad. I prefer it when there aren't many people.

There's faint music playing. Different kinds all blending into one another. Some coming from the people on the beach, some playing from the city to the right of us.

"Wanna know why I brought you here?" He murmurs, walking beside me.

We're definitely not going anywhere near the water. It's freezing. Unless that's his plan, murdering me.

Nowhere near the sand either. He gives off the vibes that he doesn't like sand. Are we here to watch a show or something? Eat somewhere?

"Why?" I give up.

"The sun starts to set at 5:36. It's 5:30 right now. See that pier?" He refers to the pier directly in front of my view. I nod in response. "It gives us a good view of the sunset."

Oh...

So he isn't going to drown me.

I soften at what he said. The sunset.

"You took me here to watch the sunset?" He nods in confirmation. "You don't seem like the kind to want to watch sunsets." I comment.

"I'm not." He says vaguely. "But you are."

"How'd you know?"

"Is it so crazy to think I haven't completely forgotten about you?"

My heart swells. "Yeah, I mean, weren't you trying to remove me from your life?"

"Doesn't mean I've removed you from my brain." We get to the start of the pier and I step foot on the wood.

There were salespeople on the sidelines with tables displaying all sorts of items. Rows on both sides with assortments of jewelry, clothing, keychains, lamps, handmade things, soaps, it's pretty cool.

I slow down, taking a second to glance at what the people are selling.

Some of them were smoking cigarettes, the smell lingered every now and then when I pass by tables. I love the smell of cigarettes.

Tate of course stops and waits for me every time I pause and take a second to examine what they have on display.

There is one craftsman's table I linger around longer than the rest. He sells handmade jewelry. It's really unique and pretty, it makes me think of Cay and how he'd love these. Cay is such a jewelry person, he loves them.

We eventually make it to the end, an empty space without all the tables and items. They're a few people up here too, sitting on the benches, leaning against the railings, or just standing, all watching the sunset.

I walk over to the railings, wanting to get a better view of the ocean.

I run my fingers along the wood, feeling the thick, sturdy planks, tracing the smooth textures, then leaning my body against the wood, resting my arms on the top surface like others.

"This was really thoughtful," I say as I watch the water steadily flow, the waves forming. The fact that he put the effort to think of this, and is here for me because he knows I like it, makes me wonder.

"You do still like sunsets, right?" He hesitates a little.

A smile forms. "Yes." I watch the birds flying in the sky. "I love it."

I listen as the wind brushed up against my ear, flowing throughout us, disheveling our hairs. I can't get enough of the saltwater draft filling my lungs. It's refreshing.

"Thank you for this," I tell him, hoping he hears how truly grateful I am for him.

The sky is painted. Painted in so, so many colors. It's captivating really, the way different shades of color unintentionally brushes against each other, overlapping, collapsing with one another.

Oranges, pinks, purples, yellow, blue...

The clouds colored too, adding more contrast, more colors, more definition.

I wish I could capture this moment somehow and keep it forever. A picture wouldn't give it enough justice. I want to remember everything. The sounds, the smell, the air, and all the details about what I'm seeing.

A safe place.

This feels like one.

My brother used to say it a lot. Any place that feels like comfort, he said. Like a hug you needed. Any place that feels right in your heart to call safe.

The sun's right at the point where the water begins. Exactly on the surface, a full circle of orange light in the distance.

"What's your greatest fear?" The ocean, drowning, is mine.

Of course, I welcome death, I'm not scared of it, but dying by drowning sounds absolutely painful. I'd never want to die that way, the pain of water forcing its way into your lungs, trying to breathe for air but only breathing in water. Ouch.

It's terrifying and slow...

Miserable.

"I don't have any." He responds. From the corner of my view, he's watching the sun slowly setting too, disappearing behind the waters.

"You're not scared of anything?"

"Nope."

Bullshit.

"How? Everyone has fears, everyone's scared of something." The sun is lower, a little less than half of the glowing circle is hidden beyond the ocean now.

A beat of silence.

"I have nothing to lose." He answers. "Fears, being scared, means you still have something, something to lose. I don't have that. I just... really don't care anymore." He mutters.

"You have nothing." It's more of a statement than a question.

He steals a quick glance my way, ignoring my statements, not further elaborating.

It's my turn to stay silent, not knowing what else to say.

He doesn't have anything?

He has everything though.

The realization fills the empty pit of my stomach. You're worse off more than I thought, Tate...

"So you just gave up?" I speak lowly, both of us watching the sun slowly sinking and disappear more and more right before our eyes.

"I gave in." He corrects with a small grin.

No matter how brightly the sun's glowing upon us, or the golden hues and the stained sky above us lighting up this moment, he managed to dull the scenery.

And suddenly I'm no longer seeing the view how I did before. I'm no longer looking at the golden sun, or the rays of beautiful color above us. Instead, I'm looking down at the ocean, the deep, dark ocean and my mood falters.

I watch the waves colliding against each other, no longer mesmerizing, now noticing the sadness. The ocean just looks so.. sad.

Intrusive thoughts fill my head the longer I stare into it. The endless depth, endless layers.

"Ro." His voice snaps me out from my daze. "You're gonna miss the sunset." He mentions.

I simply nod, returning my sight at the sun setting. More than half of it seemed to disappear now.

Staring at the sun, I can't seem to find the beauty I was so involved with only minutes ago. I'm trying to find it, looking up at the sky in hopes that I'll see the world in color again.

"What's your favorite movie?" Tate suddenly questions.

"What?" That was unexpected.

"Your favorite movie. What is it?" He repeats. I can feel his eyes on me, lingering, waiting for an answer.

"Umm..." That caught me off track. I search my brain but can't seem to think of anything. That was the last thing I expected him to say. "I have a lot."

"Well, what's the first movie that pops up in your head?" He pushes.

I think again, trying to remember the movies I like.

"Why do you wanna know?"

"I just do."

"Before sunrise." First thing I thought of.

"Tell me about it." He says surprisingly that I had to look at him to see if he was kidding or not.

But he wasn't. There was no playfulness, not a hint of him joking anywhere on his face. He's serious.

"What do you want to know about it?" I hesitate.

"Tell me... what it's about, why it's one of your favorites." He turns his head to look at me. I look away as he did, turning my head and looking straight ahead of me at the sun again.

A little smile fights its way across my mouth at the thought that he's interested in something about me.

I try to hide it by picking at my lips, not wanting him to see the effect it had on me.

My sight, my view brightens up again. Almost back to how it was at first. It's me thinking about the movie probably.

I love the movie.

"I'm gonna spoil some things. Just a warning in case you might want to watch the movie."

A lazy smile falls on his lips. "I'm not gonna watch it."