To The Stars I Could Never Reach: Even The Stars Don't Compare

IV

Kane's(POV):

It's been exactly a month and since that day I haven't felt the same. Ryan and Darren were awkwardly getting there friendship back in order, but I was just left feeling hurt again. Why did I do that to myself? I should of just let it go after they'd announced they were together.  Sighing as I stared at myself in the mirror getting dressed for Darren's birthday party being thrown downstairs. I'd just do me and have fun, erase him from my mind completely I was not letting this ruin anything. Finally buttoning the last button I walked over to my door reaching out to open it hesitating a bit thinking back to the kiss me and Darren shared before—- no, I had to stop doing this to myself it was behind me.

During the entire party I kept my distance kind of making sure that I didn't make it obvious when Bae was filming clips for the montage at the end of the Darren's Day video. I took a few shots with a girl named Kanika who was invited by Justin's girlfriend, she was really down to earth and funny. She has the cutest smile , maybe I should try to forget him by simply focusing on someone else.

"So you enjoying the party so far?"

I said trying to yell over the loud music blaring from the living room.  She looked over and simply nodded I could see a slight smile arising. Taking another sip of my drink sliding my other hand to pull out my phone when her phone started to ring and I caught a glimpse of the caller ID.

"Hey — babe — what?! Huh!! Yeah hold on — sorry I have to take this!"

She yelled before rushing outside, all I could do was stare after her a bitter taste in my mouth. Turning away bring my lower lip in anger when I spotted Ryan and Darren talking Ryan's hands wondering over Darren's body. Slamming my cup down I stormed over towards them drunkly staggering towards them accidentally knocking Seb's drink out of his hand.

"Kane — "

He looked at me then at Darren and Ryan who were dancing with a group of girls chatting. He pulled me aside dragging me into the back and into the garden.
When we finally got to the garden he forced me to take a seat on one of the many stone bench's. He took a seat next to me letting out a weary sigh just staring up at the moon. This was the first time I'd looked at Seb tonight and he did look good tonight, his moonlight silhouette was just beautiful it was like the stars weren't even up in the sky I could only see Seb.

" Uughh! Seb —"

I said in frustration looking away staring down at my shoes. For a few minutes we sat in silence I wasn't even sure why he'd brought me out here in the first place. Did he have something to say? I'm trying my best to forget everything, but all I can think about is him.

"Kane I — "

Seb said turning to me his lips parted as if he wanted to say something. He quickly grabbed me by my collar and kissed me his breath smelled of alcohol. I pushed him down jumping up glaring down at him, what the hell was he doing? I stalked back into the house unable to shake off what just happened— this was the first time we've kissed but I— grabbing another drink throwing it back I started to dance. Sadly I'm the back of my mind all I could think about was Seb's soft lips touching mine for the second time.

> NEXT MORNING <

I woke up with a splitting headache just like the rest of the guys and I knew that it would be hard to come down from it. Everything was a blur last night I could barely remember what happened last night, well me getting rejected by the girl was one thing I could remember properly the rest of it was in shambles. We all were spending time getting over our hangover meanwhile Ty was going out to another meeting this time leaving Seb and Oliver to babysit the rest of the manbabies. As I walked down the stairs I got a wave of a splitting pain and the feeling of someone's lips touching mine. Had I — hooked up with someone last night?

"Kane  are you ok?"

I heard Seb's voice and suddenly I saw a silhouette of someone in the moonlight appear.  Shaking my head yes shuffling down the stairs walking into the living room taking a seat next to Justin who was smiling and texting his girlfriend. Pulling out my phone typing in my passcode my eyes drifted to Darren and Ryan who were talking in the kitchen. Oliver suddenly snatched my phone out of my hand plopping down next to me.

"Alright — Kane I thought you'd let that go by now, but you seem tense —"

"I'm over it, I was just curious about what they were talking about?"

I said trying to get the subject to change snatching my phone back from him. I didn't want anymore arguments to start everything has been going well. Plus I'm not even bothered I was just thinking about this odd memory that keeps popping up from last night. I apparently kissed someone last night — it's hard to tell all I can remember is a silhouette. Now that I think about it she had a silhouette kind of like —

"Sebastian."

I mumbled right as my eyes met with Sebastian's dark brown eyes my heart started to pound through my chest. It all came flooding back to me — last night after I got wasted I saw Ryan with Darren and got upset. Before I could even get up to talk with them Seb dragged me into the garden his silhouette looked so beautiful in the moonlight and I couldn't help but stare. Then — he kissed me —

"What's wrong? Kane!! Kane! "

Oliver yelled out snapping his fingers in front of my face. Forcing a smile not wanting to lose face in front of the guys knowing this would only cause drama again. Last time there was a relationship in the group it didn't end well, but since there are no romantic feelings involved between me and Sebastian then it was fine. Right? For the whole day we spent our time recording my TikTok's and when we were all over our hangovers we recorded a video for NSB. Manager Ty arrived with food at around 5 and we all sat in the kitchen just having a family dinner. Reaching out to grab a pair of chopsticks my hand brushed over Seb's and a chill went down my spine.

"Kane bro — what you trying to do?"

Darren said in a sus tone smiling ear from ear, I could see he was secretly worried for me. Snatching my hand away sighing tapping my fingers on the table feeling a bit annoyed that I've kissed Seb and I feel like it's inevitable now that we might end up having the same conversation Ryan and Darren had, well actually maybe not since no one saw the kiss that happened between me and Seb. Maybe it's best if I take this to my grave and tell no one.

"Bro Kane what is up with you?"

Seb asked looking me up and down making my heart flutter. Biting my lower lip I staring at my phone Lock Screen of a fan art sent to me from a fan. Dammit! Seb took a seat next to me and entire body tensed up I couldn't move. He grabbed a pillow suddenly and laid it on my lap before resting on it. What was — he doing?

"Could you play with my hair?"

He asked innocently looking up at me his dark brown eyes big as saucers. My heart start to flutter again I held my hand up to rest my hand on his head hesitantly. Was he playing with me? What was he trying to do? Letting my hand rest on the pillow I started to play a game on my phone. Peeking over my phone every once in a while glancing at Seb wondering if he remembered anything and if that's why he was acting like this. Maybe I should ask —- no no it'll only cause trouble if I ask him. When we move to the next house hopefully we don't have to share rooms, it'll only ruin things for us.