No Strings Attached | ✓ 18+

ten .ೃ࿐

As I expected, my eyes were swollen to shit the next day.

I fell asleep crying, in the middle of a panic attack from the constant depressing events that continued to haunt me throughout my daily life. It felt like I was being bullied by my own mind, constantly blaming everything that happened between Gina and I on myself. 

However, that wasn't what woke me up. It was the pounding at my hotel room door that made me jump up, startled. 

"What the fuck?" I rubbed my eyes and got out of bed, walking over the pile of clothing that I'd left on the floor a day prior. 

The hotel room stank, but maybe it was just the bird's nest of hair that I had on my head that I'd failed to wash at all recently instead. 

I peered through the peephole and I instantly wanted to cry again. 

Gina stood there in baggy clothes, her hair disheveled and her face looking gloomy but slightly frantic. I could tell she was anxious by the way she was tapping her fingers on the side of her upper-thigh. 

Despite the fact that I wanted to ignore her and lock myself up in the bathroom to sob all day, I unlocked the door a tiny sliver and peeked out at her. 

"Adalyn, baby!" She exclaimed, clearly relieved to see that I'd opened the door. 

"Don't call me that." I hissed. "You've hurt me."

Gina's face fell, it showed that she really hoped that what she's done had been forgotten. "Please, Adalyn. Let me in. We need to talk." 

Like hell we needed to talk. I didn't have anything to apologize for, or to confess. It was her that threw me under the bus and hid it all from me because I wasn't good enough for her. With all that, I was even angrier at myself. 

I still loved her, beyond reason. I'd devoted myself to her and I can't stop thinking about her, whether it's good or bad things, she's constantly on my mind. The pathetic feeling won't stop, I can feel it deep in my stomach. I should have just closed the door and pushed her away, I know that she's no good for me. 

But she's standing there looking just as broken up as I am and all I want to do is hold her and kiss her better. Make up for lost time. 

I opened the door and she welcomed herself inside. I tried to distance us as much as possible, afraid I'd give into her again if she'd come too close to me. 

"How did you know where I was?" 

After she'd taken off her shoes and made her way inside, she sat on my bed, leaving me to lean against the wall. I couldn't tell if she was trying to be subtle about it or not, but I watched her scan the room for anything out of the ordinary, besides the fact it was just a plain old hotel room. Maybe she was checking for potential hook-ups...that thought felt like a blow to the stomach. Did she think that low of me?

She finally made eye contact with me on the other side of the room. "Your location is shared with me. I followed it here, I'm sorry."

I ran my hands over my face. Fuck, I hated the feeling of hope it gave me, the way my heart jumped at her voice.

"You hadn't answered any of my texts, I know how bad your anxiety gets-"

"Don't." I tried to be firm, but it felt mostly sad, like I was begging. "Don't bring my anxiety into this. You're the one who made it that way, with your side chicks that you feel are necessities to your life."

"I'm sorry, Adalyn, babe. I really am. I slipped, it was an accident," Gina tried again, tears pooling in her eyes. "It was only a few times, work has been so much recently and I just wanted a release."

Another blow to the stomach. 

"Was I not good enough for you?" I asked pathetically, trying not to cry. "A release, really? A release from your stressful work life...even more stressful at home? Why didn't you come to me? Why was I just somebody that was present in your life, but barely acknowledged?"

Gina had tears now, coming down her face in slow, taunting motions. As if they were daring me to ignore them, daring me to turn away from her. 

We sat in silence for awhile, I had closed my eyes for a few minutes while trying to control my breathing, the last thing I needed to do was break down and have another panic attack, except this time in front of her. 

"Come sit?" Gina innocently patted the spot beside her in the bed. 

My mind was screaming at me as I gave in and took a seat beside her. My instinct was to lean into her, but I knew better. I couldn't go back to that yet. It would be embarrassing to be so stubborn but give it all in the minute she comes back to me. 

When I looked up, Gina seemed closer to me than it was expected. She was looking at me with a slight pout, making her lips stand out to me more than usual. "I'm sorry, baby. I promise that I'll change. I was in the wrong and I completely understand if you don't trust me anymore." 

Gina put her hand on mine and our fingers laced together. "Please," she tried. "Tell me what you want."

"I don't want to give up," I mumbled. "I hate that I easily give into you again. It isn't fair. I want to hate you so bad right now." 

She's resting her forehead against mine now, her lips so close to mine. Our eyes were locked, hers were teary and without looking in the mirror I knew mine were the same. 

"We can go to couple's counselling," she said quietly. "We can try again, Adalyn. This can't be the end for us."

I bit my lip as I looked down at her lips and then quickly averted my gaze to her eyes again. It was so hard not to give into anything. I'd missed her so much, I just wanted her against me. 

Going against what my mind thought, I open my mouth. "We can discuss it later, just kiss me, please." 

And then her lips were on mine once again.