Homemade Dynamite [The Lego Batman fanfiction]

Chapter Seven

[Lipstick Smudges.]
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. Wayne jolts awake, gasping for air. His blurred vision slowly comes back, his eyes focused on a pair of black and white loafers. He raises his head and locks eyes with The Joker, eyes scanning his features. "It's good to see you're up, Blaine."

"It's Wayne, puddin'." Harley corrects, standing behind Bruce. Jack face-palms and laughs, Bruce blinking slowly, his eyes red and face pale.

"Right!" Jack takes a seat on Bruce's lap, smiling sweetly. "How are ya?" He asks, nonchalant. Wayne frowns in confusion, taking a deep breath as he looks down at The Joker's pants.

"Where am I?" He asks in a whisper, shivering from the cold air. The place dark and freezing, light peering through the broken blinds, the other business men tied up beside him. The Joker hums, running a hand through the man's hair.

"Well, you're at my place, sweetie." He says sweetly, standing up again. "His eyes are beautiful, aren't they, Harls?" He glances at his partner, she nods in response and skates to his side.

"What do you want from us?" Bruce queries as the Clown Prince of Crime lifts his head by pulling on his hair. "Ow." He mumbles, eyes adjusting to Joker's form.

"Well, one time I snuck into the Batcave," Bruce's eyes widen, tiredness dissolved and anxiety rushing throughout his body. "After I rubbed my butt on everything, Harls brought up that we were just under Wayne Manner." Oh no, he's figured it out. This was it, right? The reason why he wanted to speak to me- all just a rouse to get me to be vulnerable... Why would he do this?... Bruce drops his gaze, a strong pain starting at his chest.

"So, you know?" Bruce asks in a dull tone.

"Yeah, you're roomies with Bats." Wayne lifts his head and looks at Joker, his confusion disappearing within a second. He doesn't know? He doesn't know! Hell yeah! "And I thought, 'if you're that close to Batman, then he must care for you' and I wasn't sure how you looked, it's been a minute." He continues, grinning as he leans close to Bruce, who fakes a furious expression. "Which is why I've decided to kidnap you, tell policemen and stuff, and Batman and me will play a little. You, so he'd come faster." Bruce stares at him silently, Well, I'm screwed.

"That's what she said.~" Harley sings, giggling to herself. Jack rolls his eyes and sits on Bruce's lap.

"You think he'd be mad if I sat on you?" Bruce continues to stare, heart starting to pick up pace. I don't want Joker to get arrested, but if Batman doesn't get here any time soon, he wouldn't be able to stay on the streets. "You don't talk much, do you?"

"Yes... Er..." Bruce clears his throat and stares down at the floor. "Batman seems like he'd be upset to find you on me? I mean, Batman's a chill guy, not controlling, awesome individual with great abs, but, you know, sitting on another person's lap could make you upset- if- if you're dating- probably! I mean-..." Bruce grunts at himself, squeezing his eyes shut, regretting saying anything at this moment.

"Aw, had Batsy told you about last night?" Joker swoons, his arms over Wayne's shoulders. "He's so cute! I did the same with my girly over there, but I didn't think Bats would tell his roomie what happens between us." Bruce slowly nods, going along with it. Can't have him suspect anything.

"Yeah, totally." He bites his lip slightly. "So, is this a scheme to make him jealous or?"

"Oh, hell no! I'd hate to do that to him." He shakes his head, "I mean, I'd be devastated if he'd do that to me, you know?" Jack pauses for a moment, "I don't want to get him too mad." Bruce watches him for a moment, then Harley, who moves to a drawer, ripping the wig off her head and wiping off her makeup. He moves his eyes back to Jack, knowing she would prefer having privacy.