Mr.Cater's Maid

Broken Hearts all Around

I thought it had to be done as I sat on this cold park bench, snuggling into my winter coat. A mix of teenage girls and boys across from me eyed me suspiciously while passing around a brown paper bag they all drank out of.

I texted Deep once more to ask how far he was.

"Just looking for parking." He replied.

The kids had started to disperse, and soon Deep was walking towards the park bench.

"Sorry, this area is quite busy. Took forever to find parking." He said as he approached me.

No worries," I said. My hands were tight in my coat pocket, holding onto the ring box, which had the ring he had given me four nights ago.

"So listen, I wanted to ask you if you were free for dinner tomorrow night. I think it will be nice for my mom to...."

"Deep," I stopped him. I didn't want to delay this process any longer. I took the ring out and handed it back to him. Then I told him everything from my time as Adam's maid and our relationship, about Boston and the breakup, and finally, my confusion about my standing with Adam the last few days. He sat there and listened to it without a word to add. Not until I said that I was planning his wedding.

"Are you insane?" Was the only thing he could muster.

"I guess it does sound a bit demented." I agreed. "I really am sorry about all of this. I totally lead you on. I was awful to you. I really did try everything I could to move forward with you, but...you don't deserve someone who will make you their second choice. You are first choice material for sure." I rambled.

He sighed. His face was unreadable, his mouth still silent. I wanted to urge him to say something, curse me out, yell at me because this was torture.

Finally, after what felt like 3 hours but in truth was probably only seconds, he said, "This felt too good to be true. I am not mad yet, but I don't want to talk to you for a bit." He said.

"I get it!" I said, hurt and embarrassed without any right to be.

He said no more but got up and started walking away. He got a few feet away, then turned around to face me. "Are you his second choice?" He asked.

"I am not a choice at all, according to him," I answered.

He smiled, "no, that's not it. It doesn't make sense. Maybe I am too innocent, but I don't believe someone would say I love you if they didn't mean it. There is more to this story. I would ask him to tell you his side." He advised.

Will you be mad for long?" I asked, not wanting to stop talking just yet.

"A little longer than long." He said in a joking tone, but his voice had a subtle pain. He didn't want to make me feel like the bad guy. Then he gave me one small smile and continued walking. As I watched his slumped back and his white sneakers muddied by the park floor, I knew I would regret this moment for the rest of my life.

Deep ignored a text I sent him last night, but I couldn't blame him. I wanted to reach out to him again, but I resisted. It would not be fair for me to demand contact when I was the one who hurt him. So I sent him a text, apologizing and telling him I would give him the space he needed, and left it.

On the other hand, my mom was not happy with me at all. After I came back from the park, I cried. Although she hugged me and calmed me down, she demanded I talk to my therapist. She wanted me to figure out what I wanted instead of making decisions because I was reacting to stressful situations. Ironic that the woman who wanted me not to see a therapist was the one pushing me to go see her now.

"I'll go after the wedding; I'll need them."

"You should have gone before you agreed to help them with it. How is any of this supposed to help you?"