Mr.Cater's Maid

The Aftermath

I stared at the white ceiling in Adam's room as my naked body stayed tucked tight in the comforter I laid down yesterday. I contemplated the last half an hour, and panic bubbled within me. Could I get pregnant? I think we were safe, but how would I know? I had never done that before.

I attempted to take a deep breath to relieve my anxiety, but I was afraid it would cause Adam to notice me, making this more awkward than it already was. So I laid there, unmoving.

Adam was also quietly laying next to me, possibly contemplating the same thing. I think we both regretted this. I think.

"umm...so..." Adam began, clicking his tongue when he ran out of syllables to fill the air.

"I..." I knew what I wanted to say. I desired to tell him that I had never done this before and while I had fun...I think...I was muddled right now, but I could not find the words. Or I was hoping Adam would take the lead. Start the conversation. Tell me the next steps. Because I had no clue where to go next.

"This was...unexpected," Adam said.

"Ha...yeah." I nervously giggled. This was not a definite explanation of why this happened and certainly did not lay out the next steps.

I felt Adam shake the bed as he got up. I dare not look, but I could hear the clanking the buckles of his belts made. Then I saw him walk into view, his upper body on display, but only for a second, as he bent down to pick up his shirt from the floor. He avoided my gaze when he started to button himself up. Was he just going to leave like this? Without saying anything? Without discussing how we proceed from now on?

Once he was fully dressed, he began to make his way out of the bedroom. I stayed there in the empty room, just me and my guilt to keep me company.

"Get dressed before your Mom comes back here." He said from behind the door.

Oh my God! My mother! How was I going to look her in the eye? What was I going to tell her when she saw I had done none of the work I was supposed to do?

I quickly scurried around the room, looking for all my clothing articles. Hopping into my jeans when I found them and slipped thoughtlessly into my T-shirt. So thoughtless that it took me a few seconds to realize it was inside out. I fixed it and went out to the living room.

Adam was sitting back on the couch, elbows on his knees, and hands folded in front of him. He kept circling his thumbs as he stared with a vacant expression. Like he was in deep thought.

"I have to do at least the laundry today before I leave," I said, snapping him out of his daze.

He looked at me. I saw his lips part, but no sound came out.

"Okay, then I am getting you clothes. Is your hamper in...in the..in there?" I pointed to the bedroom door because I could not get the words out.

I did not wait for him to respond, then I remembered I had to get the pillowcases from the couch, and he was sitting right in front of one.

"I...I...also need to get the couch pillow cases...washed." I stuttered. I wanted to disappear. Just a few minutes ago, there was no awkwardness between us. We were one, without a thought, but now I could barely look at him.

"Umm, yeah, sure. Let me get out of your hair."

He got up and walked out of the poolhouse without another glance at me.

As I collected the pillowcases and hunted for the hamper hidden in the massive closet at the back of his room, my mind raced once more. The fact that I had just lost my virginity to a virtual stranger sunk in over and over again. Each time flooding my brain with thousands of unsettling thoughts. Even though I had grown up with Adam, I barely knew anything about him.

I dragged the heavy hamper into the main house. I rushed away from the kitchen and made my way to the polished wooden steps that led me to the basement, where the laundry room was.

I shoved everything in, not particularly looking at his clothes. Then threw in some detergent I found on a shelf above the machines and turned the big knob to the start. The loud clanks of the buttons hitting the inside of the washer helped drown out my thoughts. I just stood, watching the machine shake and turn the dirt off of his clothes. I wish it was that easy for me to feel less dirty. Again tears started forming.

I felt numb to everything the past year, but today I could not stop crying. I felt so sensitive. It was like the bottled-up emotions of the year were bubbling out of me.

"Hey!"

My body gave an involuntary jump at this unexpected sound. I looked over at the source of the hey and saw Adam.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"Do I look it?" I, in turn, asked, now full-on crying.

"I am sorry! I am so sorry, I thought you wanted it...." I saw him move closer, but he must have changed his mind as my sobs grew louder because he stopped in his tracks.

"I...I..." I gasped for air, but my cries disabled any from getting it. I was inconsolable.

I heard Adam close the door to the tiny laundry room. Then he walked towards me, this time not stopping till my face rested on his chest. Finally, he wrapped his arms around me.

"It's okay, I am the bad guy. You did nothing wrong."

I stayed there breathing in his scent, more potent now than it was when we were having sex. He patted my back as my loud sobs turned into small hiccups.

Finally, I was ready to talk.

"I don't understand what just happened, but it can't happen again," I said, though I am not sure how much my words mattered as my head was still on his chest.

"Okay." He simply uttered; he was also still patting my back.

Neither of us said anything again for a while. Adam's muscular chest felt like a rock against my forehead, but for some reason, I was comfortable. His touch was gentle as his hands circled my back, and it made me feel like I was somewhere safe. So I didn't want him to let go. I couldn't understand why I felt this way about someone I barely knew.

As an Indian girl, it was an unwritten rule that you did not have sex until you married. I never thought I would follow that exact rule, but I always thought I would only have sex with someone I loved, someone I trusted. Why had I been so vulnerable with someone like Adam? I played back the events of today for the 100th time. I had given him all the control. And although I didn't believe girls or guys lose anything when they give up their virginity, it did feel like I lost something. Most likely, my mind.

I wondered if Adam was contemplating the same things I was. Probably not. Unlike me, this was not his first time. Then a horrible thought crossed my mind. Adam had a girlfriend. Did he just cheat on someone?

My stomach started doing backflips as the guilt of what I could have done settled in. Why hadn't I stopped Adam? How do I go back in time to change what we had just done? I wanted to run out of this room and hide from the world for the rest of my life.

Finally, I created some distance between us. I lifted my head off of his chest, and I took several steps back. When I looked at him, he looked disappointed. Maybe, just like me, he wanted to stay in this moment.

"Did we cheat?" I asked, mortified he was going to say yes. "I am not sure, but I heard you had a girlfriend?" I added when I saw Adam looking at me like I had 4 heads.

"Yes? You were keeping tabs on me, huh?" He said, an amusing smile forming at the edge of his lips.

"No!" I scoffed.

"So, how do you know I have a girlfriend?" His smile grew into a chuckle.

"I don't know, it was just something I heard my mom say, and I thought maybe Natasha mentioned something yester...wait...." I stopped dead in my tracks as I realized what he was saying, "it's true, isn't it?" I whispered.

He didn't answer, but his face was no longer smiling. Instead, his blue eyes seemed darker as he just stared at me. He didn't need to answer. He knew I knew.

I gave him a bitter chuckle shaking my head mainly at myself, then I stormed out of the room, and thankfully he didn't chase after me.