The Man in my life

Joseph...

I parked my car in the drive afraid to see him. I didn't know what to expect from him,I took a deep breath and walked inside,took the lift up to his penthouse. I opened the door and he was sat on the couch with a glass in hand.

"What do you want Dean?"He said slurring his words while finishing his drink.

"Joseph"I said and that was enough to make him leap off the couch and look at me.

"You're not here,I just want you to be here,some trick this drink is"He chuckled before pouring himself another one.

I walked over to him

"Joseph stop"I said

"You're not gonna stop me"He hissed I grabbed the bottle and put it on the side in the kitchen

"Hey!"He yelled stumbling his way over to me and I grabbed his face

"Joseph this is not the way to cope with things"

"Oh what know about coping with things,I'm gonna my mom WHAT DO WANT FROM ME!"He screamed at me but I didn't feel scared I just felt his pain

"Joseph don't shout at me"

"What do you want from me? You have your freedom! What else do you want from me becky?!"

"You to calm down and talk to me. Joseph drinking is not gonna help"

"It's numbs the pain,I don't wanna love with it,I've lived with enough pain-"He ripped his shirt off and pointed to his scars

"WASNT THIS ENOUGH GOD!"He screamed

He's lost it. 

"Joseph look at me"I said cupping his face

He started crying,as he looked into my eyes and he never showed his emotions around me only when he had his panic attack. I looked at him and he sobbed holding my hands to his face.

He pushed away from me and walked toward the bottle and I grabbed his hand

"No Joseph"I whispered

"Let me get rid of the pain I can't take this anymore,I'm done living"He said and I grabbed his arms and wrapped them around my waist before I lent up and kissed him.

What am I doing?

He dropped the bottle,leaving it to smash onto the floor he grasped my hips tightly desperately kissing me. We pulled away and he lent his head against mine.

"I-"He stumbled

"Shh,let's go to bed okay?"i said rubbing his cheeks. He nodded and cuddled into me

"Joseph you have no shirt on"I said

"I don't care anymore,I don't care around you,I don't feel pain"He said grabbing my hand and placing it onto his chest.

"Joseph-"I stumbled with words.

"Fuck it,I love you Becks"He said kissing me

"I don't want anything in else,but for my mom to be okay and for you to keep for hand on my chest please"He begged. He rested his head against mine I gently ran my hand over his scars. He took deep breaths and sharp intakes of breaths around certain areas.

"Joseph-"I said wrapping my arms around him.

"I love you-I love you more then anything. It takes a lot of me to say that,and I'll keep repeating it until you know because Becky I need you so much. I'm so f-fucking sorry about-everything"He started crying again and my heart broke. I hated seeing like this.

"Baby come on let's go to bed okay"I said kissing his head. I grabbed his hand and lead him into his bedroom.

He sat down onto the bed wear i undressed him and laid him into the pillows,I covered him up with his sheets and crouched down beside him.

"Shhh"I said running my thumb along his cheek

"I love you"He whispered

"I love you too"I said

I did love this man. He won my heart,I'm still so in love with him. I can't let him go again.

"Becky"He mumbled with his eyes closed

"Yes baby"I said to him

"Get in bed with me please,I just wanna wake up to something good in my life please you can put one of my shirts on for bed"He said and I nodded my head

"Okay,"I slipped into one of his shirts and i turned to find him sat up waiting for me.

I walked over to him and he moved over into the bed. I slipped under the sheets and he pulled me right into his chest and rested my hand into his chest.

"This feels really nice-I've miss your touch so much" He whispered down to me. I looked up and connected my lips with his.

"I've missed everything about you"I said to him running my hand up and down his chest. He smiled down at me

"It doesn't hurt anymore Becky"he smiled with teary eyes.

I kissed his lips and looked at him. I lent down his chest and pressed a kiss to his chest.

"They're beautiful to me"I smiled to find tears running down his face

"Nobody has done that"He whimpered

"I love you so much Joseph I can't lose you"

"I can't lose you either, I'm a fucking mess yet this all my fault"

"No-I won't expect that off you,it wasn't your fault you were just scared-baby I want you to be able to talk to me. I love you Joseph Anoa'i. Nothing is ever going to change that"

"I love you too becky hell I'd do anything for you and another chance I don't wanna lose you,I don't wanna say goodbye."

I cupped his face and kissed him softly

"You'll never have to say that,let's get some sleep baby"

He nodded and cuddled his large body into me.

"I love you Becky"

"I love you Joseph,hey get some sleep I'll be here in the morning".