Winter is for Lovers (Bucky Barnes X OC) [Book 1]

10. I Don't Want to Walk Without You

I had passed off the Tuberculosis trial to another doctor, who was more than willing to take all of the credit for my work. I just didn't have the drive to continue with the project, the continuous death being a continuous reminder of all that I had lost, and my heart couldn't take it anymore.

Bucky was ordered by the United States Army to do specialty training, a few weeks after the attack on Pearl Harbor. The country had officially entered the war against Germany and the Axis powers, and I knew that would mean that Bucky would have to go overseas at some point. 

I hadn't spoken to Bucky since I screamed at him to leave my house.

A few days after receiving the notice of the deaths of my father and brother, there was another knock on my door. I never answered, watching as a woman in an Army uniform slipped a rather thick envelope through my mail slot.

It was another file, similar to the one on my desk sent by the Strategic Scientific Reserve, with the same business card with a name and address on it.

The name said Agent Margaret Carter and had the same address as before.

I simply tossed the file on the desk inside the study, knocking over a few things, but not having the care to pick them up.

I didn't care about anything anymore.

The house was a mess, I was a mess, but I didn't care. I had nothing to care for, it felt like.

Both Bucky and Rebecca had come by, but I never answered the door, and it remained locked. Eventually they got the hint that I didn't want them around.

I just wanted to be left alone.

I hadn't been at the hospital since the attack. According to Rebecca during one of her wellness checks, patients and hospital staff were beginning to wonder where I was.

Or if I was coming back.

A few days before Christmas, Rebecca dropped off a couple of boxes, no doubt a presents from her and Bucky. She waited for me to come to the door, but left after realizing that I still wouldn't come to the door for her.

After she left, I retrieved the box, set it on the couch, and stared at it from my father's armchair.

I hadn't bothered with decorating the house for Christmas, there was no point. I wasn't celebrating the holiday, or my birthday with anyone. The two people I wanted to celebrate with more than anything were dead and gone...

I chose to spend the holidays alone, not answering the phone that seemed to constantly ring that week. Most of my time was spent in my father's armchair, unwilling to move, or eat, or sleep.

Anytime I closed my eyes, I saw were their faces. I dreamt of what they went through in their final moments, and the sounds of their screams continued to keep me awake.

After Christmas, Rebecca stopped by again, this time to bring food, and be a friend. She was always just trying to be a friend, but I didn't want her to see me like this.

I didn't want a friend.

I wanted my family.

However, this time she refused to leave, continuously knocking on the door until I finally unlocked it. As soon as she heard the door click, she barged inside, getting ready to kecture me until she looked me in my tired, bloodshot eyes.

"Oh, honey," her eyes were sympathetic, and her tone even more so.

I didnt say anything to her, I just went back into the study and back into my father's armchair, hugging my knees close to my chest.