Winter is for Lovers (Bucky Barnes X OC) [Book 1]

26. It's Been a Long, Long Time

There wasn't a moment of rest as we left the last HYDRA base in its defeated state, and we all headed back to England.

You would think we would all be cheering, but that wasn't the case for most of us.

The Howling Commandos had lost their Captain.

The country had lost its symbol.

Peggy had lost Steve.

And I had lost my friend.

Not only had I lost my friend, but I had lost my husband just a day before, and my memory was still somewhat foggy.

Did I even have anyone left?

"We'll be arriving soon," Peggy said as she sat next to me.

"What will become of me?" I asked, looking down at my shaking hands. I couldn't dare look her in the eyes, not after all that had happened.

"You'll go home, Doctor Grace," she said to me formally.

"Where is home?" I asked sincerely. "I haven't got anyone else."

"Brooklyn is where you've called home," she said to me. "You can go back to being a surgeon, and a damn good one, too. You can have your life back from before all of this madness."

I chuckled to myself.

"This madness is all I remember, Peg," I scoffed, finally meeting her gaze. "I can't go back to being who I was before. This is all I know, now."

She let out an exhausted sigh before patting my knee and leaving me to myself.

"Touchdown in 30 minutes," the overhead announcement came on, meaning it was time to grab my things and get ready to face my new reality.

Maybe even figure out who I am now. The old Hazel Grace was gone. She was dead somewhere in the mountains with the man she had loved.

The plane descended and touched the ground, and soon enough, we rolled to a screeching halt. Everyone piled out of the plane, hugging their friends and fellow soldiers, leaving me and a few stragglers behind.

I'd be lying if I said that part of me wasn't scanning the crowds to see a familiar face. Not just any familiar face, either.

I wanted to see my stormy-eyed boy. I wanted to feel his lips on mine one last time, his hands caressed my skin, and his touch set my insides on fire in all the best ways.

I wanted my Bucky back.

"Sunshine?" A voice trumpeted out, pulling me out of my head and back to the harsh reality, I was forced to live through.

"Howard," I breathed out, giving him a relieving smile.

"You made it back!" He said, picking me up and swinging me around.

I tensed into his embrace before he set me down, noticing my discomfort.

"With a high cost, I did," I said, regret and shame deep in my voice.

"I heard," his demeanor changed from relieved to remorseful. "I'm so sorry, sweetheart."

"It's fine," I said, wiping my face of the tears I was sure were falling down my face.

It wasn't fine. I was a mess.

"He was a good man," Howard said.

"They both were," I said with certainty.

I watched as Howard argued with himself, going back and forth inside his brain.

"What's going on in that genius brain of yours, Howard?" I asked.