The Lout's Mirage | Songfic

❝ bury your little boy on the ground. ❞

Hans remained in the spot as he hesitates. After the Molans had left, Cale immediately arose from his severe condition and did not take the healing potions rather he took the weakest one, however, it was strange that his bruised seem to be healing itself.

Right now, the young master was back at the Late Countess' music room - where he had heard about his other song.

Another set of piece was currently playing but then it was put to a halt with an ugly end - Hans had flinched in fright, it sounded like the young master had just slammed his hands on the keys and he could imagine the furious expression showing on his face.

But truly, Cale just felt tired.

So so tired.

He had a panic attack just a few hours ago after waking up then the news that they had left and no one bothered to visit him even when he was unconscious, only that deputy-now-head butler did. Tsk, everyone's always left him behind, what's new, anymore?

He cared a lot for them, but now it's pushing him too far.

He sighs exasperatedly and lightly rest his forehead on the keys, not minding the unpleasant sound of the piano.

Maybe, he was never really needed in this world. Everyone seems to move on forward as they discriminate him while he is stuck in the fucking past, lamenting every fucking day and they can't get enough of it.

It was like everyone is eating all of his core to live, eating every organ inside his body so he could not feel anything anymore.

"...why am I still here?" He asks to no one. He knew the beating was severe, someone could've died from that alone but why was he still here?

Something was holding him back, he supposed. But what was it?

Then he remembers.

All he knew was to live for someone, not for himself.

He lived because his mother wished for him to do so.

He lived because he couldn't leave his dead beat father who was weak in the moral sense of parenting.

He lived because he couldn't let Basen get bullied anymore, he knows how more harder it'd be if he died because he knew about those rats that were running around the house.

He lived because Lily-, Lily still looked at his back whenever he passes her by like she was nothing.

He lived because Countess Violan did not deserve such backstabbers and filthy little bugs swarming her like honey.

He lived yet somehow he did not want to survive-, he felt that it was exhausting. Maybe he understood the meaning of mortality and why it is important for a human to remain one.

Too much resentment is filled in most, Too much purity is filled in the half, too much. Too much. It needed to be taken away, a life, that is.

He is getting pushed too far.

So sick and tired of being alone
So long, farewell, I'm on my own
I'm sorry mom, I've got to go
I dug this grave I call my home

Cale snorts as he stood up from the piano, this song was just so him that it brought out a manic laugh from him.

'I'm sorry mother, but if you wanted me to be happy- how about it that I waste it on evil deeds? You wouldn't get angry since you're dead right?'

His thoughts were getting more and more disturbing. A flash of golden circle appeared in those reddish-brown orbs for a moment.

My life don't mean that much to me
So I'm living for you
Yeah, I'm living for you