You wake up a bit sore, but not as sore as last time. You notice ed shareen already got out of bed. Hes brushing his teeth in the bathroom while listening to his own album on spotify. You lay staring at the white stain on the canopy. 'I guess thats there forever now.' You think to yourself. Maybe when ed is done youll go shower and clean your own dried dick ranch off of your legs and stomach.
Just then you hear a different familiar voice singing muffledly. You listen to what theyre singing...
"Hello, I'm here
I'm living in the wall
I know I might be small, but
I, I, I, am a freak!"
Is hatsune miku songing in your walls? How did she get there? Why? You wonder if youre hallucinating as you listen to her singing drowning out eds music in the bathroom.
"And if you see me, you're paralyzed (Whoo-ooh-ooh-ooh)
Pillar of salt, you're mummified (Whoo-ooh-ooh-ooh)"
Listening to mikus voice you cant help but think... her voice is really nice. You feel bad knowing that ed would feel bad if you liked mikus voice more, but it really is pretty.
You lay there, lost in mikus beautiful singing.
"WHO ARE YOU AND WHY ARE YOU SINGING IN MY WALL?!?!?" ed sheeran shouts. Mikus melodic voice stops.
"Hatsune miku is singing lemon demon songs in our walls i dont know why shes there or how she got there but just let her vibe man." You respond.
"Lemon demon?" Ed sheeran says judgementally.
"Yeah shes singing eighth wonder by lemon demon. I think its pretty." You say.
"Well i think its not. Even if miku wasnt in our walls i still wouldnt listen to this!" Ed says.
"You... dont like lemon demon? Damn thats one of my favourite bands..." you say sadly.
"You disgust me." Ed sheeran says, his face contorted into such a wrinkled expression of hatred you never new he could make.
"Dude... what the hell..." your throat tightens. Hurt, you ask "please tell me you at least like vocaloid..?"
"Wtf no i dont get why everyone wants to listen to robot singers!" Ed retorts.
Your eyes burn, and you let a tear roll down your face.
"You know what? FUCK YOU ED! I NEVER LIKED YOUR SONGS ANYWAYS! YOUR SINGING SUCKS AND YOUR LYRICS ALL SOUND THE SAME JUST LIKE THE SONGS THEMSELVES AND THEY DONT EVEN REMOTELY SLAP!" you shout as you grab your clothes off the floor and frantically get dressed.
"YOU KNOW WHAT FUCK YOU TOO Y/N!" ed shouts back. You run down the stairs, run to the door, put your shoes on and run outside. Immediately youre in immense pain as your skin starts burning up in the sun.
"FUCK!" you forgot ed turned you into a vampire. You hide in the shade under some bushes and cry.
"Fuck... i thought... i thought he was the one..." you choke as tears stream down your face like a waterfall. Ed shittypoo seemed so cool, but here he was being an as. You cant go back to your oarents because theyll only yell at you. If you werent a disappointment to them before, you sure are now. You dont have any friends either. You curl up in the dirt hoping for the earth to swallow you whole, let your body decompose and turn into soil.
You wake up a while later, and its night now. You uncurl and get out of the bushes. You walk around the city aimlessly. You pass a restaurant thats still open and see sonic, obama, barney and perry the plytupus eating and chatting and laughing together at a table.
'It must be a double date...' you think as you walk by. They dont notice you. You continue sadly walking down the sidewalk.
Suddenly someone grabs you from behind and takes you into an alleyway. Youre tossed onto the ground, hitting your back on the wall. You look up at a red crewmate.
"Im reds dad. What did you do with them?!?" He asks angrily. Youre too sad and tired to deal with this.
"Idk ask ed shearin." You say sadly.
"YOU WERE THERE!" bellows the crewmate.
"Yeah but ed shearin was the one that handled your kid." You respond.
"TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED OR ELSE!" you see a tentacle extend from the crewmates torso. Maybe it wouldnt be so bad if you died, though itd be nice if it was in a more dignified manner than this.
"Ed shearin shrunk ur child after beating the crap out of them." You say.
"WHY YOU LITTLE-" the crewmate is interrupted by a CLANG! sound. You look up and see... kagamine rin?
YOU ARE READING
In Love With the Alpha Vampire Ed Sheeran
Фанфикyou fall n love with the mst alpha male of them alll... ED SHEERAn!?!?!! This is satire. Also all the images except for the one in new bad habits are made by me
