What if...

Moody Moody

It was eight o'clock in the morning, and Harry was enjoying a nice, quiet breakfast in the Great Hall with Hermione to his right and Neville sitting to his left, when a huge flock of owls descended from the windows, most, if not all of them carrying the latest addition to the Daily Prophet. Harry and Hermione smirked at each other as the papers were read by every student and teacher in the school.

SEVERUS SNAPE HAS SECRET LOVE AFFAIR WITH HOGWARTS STUDENT

By Rita Skeeter

"This is where the fun begins." Harry murmured to Neville.

"WHAT?" Snape roared across the hall as they all began chattering. He immediately rushed over to Harry Potter, the main object of his anger, only to collide with Ron, who had been doing the same thing. The two fell down together, Ron pinning Snape to the floor as he screamed yet again, but thanks to a nifty little wandless spell from Hermione, it came out as a prolonged moan. She looked at Harry for approval and he gave her a big thumbs-up, having taught her the spell. She beamed, looking back to the scene as Ron clambered from on top of the Potions Master.

"OH, FUCK ME SIDEWAYS!" Snape yelled in rage, only to close his eyes and growl as he realised how that had sounded.

"Ew, no!" Ron tried to say, but it came out as, "Again?"

The hall shook with laughter, which resulted in Madam Pomfrey having to treat quite a few students for bruised ribs and, in one case, a punctured lung.

"POTTER!" Snape thundered, storming towards the individual he would blame everything on. "Remove the article NOW, or I will take FIFTY THOUSAND points from Gryffindor." He declared.

"You will not!" Professor McGonagall interjected. "And you most certainly will not threaten one of my students, especially after having slept with a second."

"I DID NOT HAVE SEX WITH RONALD WEASLEY!" Snape bellowed, though, strangely, the word 'not' failed to escape as easily as the others.

"Severus Snape!" Professor Sprout exclaimed. By this time, the hall was in danger of collapsing.

"I can't believe the Headmaster would employ a pedophile." Harry said loudly to Hermione.

"I know, what a horrible decision." She replied at an equal volume.

"Though, it makes you think- was he really that much of a snivelling sod, or was that all part of his act?" Harry continued, enjoying the look of absolute rage that Snape's face played host to, but was terrified to act due to Professor McGonagall being right next to him, having advanced when the greasy git was trying to attack Harry.

"I know it was you, Potter!" Ron threw himself in front of Harry.

"And that's my appetite gone." Harry dropped his fork onto his plate.

"Mister Weasley, you will stop blaming other students for your poor decisions!" McGonagall reprimanded.

"But it's Potter's fault!" Ron whined in the same manner Dudley had when he discovered he only had thirty-six birthday presents instead of thirty-seven. A true tragedy, right up there with Macbeth, and Romeo and Juliet.

"Potter, you will write to this bitch and FORCE her to write a PUBLIC apology NOW!" Snape demanded, stomping up to him, though keeping a wary eye on McGonagall.

"For what? She told the truth." Harry feigned confusion badly.

"NO, SHE DID NOT!" Snape yelled.

"Yes she did."

"No she didn't."

"Yes she did."

"She didn't, Potter!"