What if...

Professor Lockfart

"First class of the day!" Hermione beamed.
"Woohoo." Neville said sarcastically.
"More magic!" Harry childishly exclaimed.

"I'm surrounded by nerds." Neville muttered.
"Excuse me, but I take great offence to that statement." Harry said in pseudo hurt.
"So do I." Hermione joined him, placing a hand over her heart.
"Oh, bugger off." Neville smiled slightly. "But it's Defense with Lockhart, the slimy slug." He groaned.

"What's so bad about that?" Hermione asked. Both boys gave her a pointed look.
"You just wait until the lesson." Neville turned to walk away.
"It's gonna be chaos." Harry also turned. Hermione followed them with a huff.

"Fine." She pouted childishly.
When they entered the classroom, they quickly sat down next to the other students. The boys of Gryffindor and Slytherin were sporting bored and unimpressed facial expressions, while the girls were staring dreamily at the door, bar a few that possessed common sense, a.k.a Hermione.

Harry was happy to see this, but he didn't know why. He thought back to that night in his first year with the Mirror of Erised. And, you know, Voldemort.

Then, the door swung open casually and a blinding light- wait, that's just his teeth- stepped out.

"Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce you to your new Defense against the Dark Arts teacher... me." He drawled. A couple of girls sighed happily while the boys rolled their eyes.

"You've got to be joking." Ron muttered. For once, Harry agreed with him, nodding in approval. He was also happy to see that Hermione was not staring, instead reading her book determinedly.

"Now... I am going to introduce you to some of the most dangerous magical creatures that exist today. Do not scream, for it will only provoke them!" Lockhart yanked the tarp off to reveal a cage that contained some small blueish creatures.

"Cornish Pixies?" Seamus laughed.
"Freshly caught Cornish Pixies!" Lockhart corrected.
"I'm learning so much already." Neville muttered sarcastically and Harry laughed out loud.

"Do not underestimate them, Harry, my boy... let's see what you make of them." Lockhart then released the pixies, who flew joyfully around the classroom, chirping and squeaking.

They would have looked cute if they weren't utterly demolishing everything in sight.

"Do not worry, I will take care of this!" Lockhart announced.
"That's likely." Harry muttered.
"Pesky pixie peskenomi!" Lockhart made up a spell on the spot. Obviously, it didn't work and the pixies then snatched his wand away, using it to explode the link connecting the dinosaur skeleton to the ceiling. It then fell down and broke on contact with the floor.

Most of the students had left the room at this point, which Lockhart realised. So he rushed to the door instantly, opening it, then turning back at the students' questioning gazes.
"I'll just let you three round them up, now, should we?" He stammered, before fleeing.

"Told you." Harry served.
"Guys!" Neville called from the ceiling. He was hooked by his cloak onto the chandelier.

"You immobilise the pixies, I'll get Neville." Harry told Hermione. She nodded, pulling her wand out and uttering the spell at the same time Neville was levitated to the ground by Harry.

"Why is it always me?" Neville brushed off his robes.
"Tell me about it." Harry agreed. "Also, Hermione, the immobilising spell is a second-year spell and Lockhart didn't know it. He's clearly a fraud." He turned to Hermione, summoning pixies left and right. Hermione looked flustered.

"He probably just forgot that one spell!" She defended.
"He forgot a second year spell?" Neville asked disbelievingly.
"It happens!" She said after a few moments of thinking. Harry stuffed the pixies that were in his hands into the cage, closing and locking it.