What if...

Sirius destroys the Order of the Phoenix with Facts and Logic

Hey guys, I'm nearly done with the chapter, but I thought I'd also just quickly write this because I realised it can actually apply, let me know if you do or don't like this kinda stuff and I will or won't do it again. Next chapter out soon!

The Order of the Phoenix and their associators were seated around a long rectangular table, the heads of which were occupied by Sirius Black and Albus Dumbledore.

"Wait, so Sirius, you're saying you should be the leader of the Order?" Dumbledore asked, surprised etched into his features.

"That's exactly what I'm saying." Sirius nodded.

"W-Well, hold on, because there'd be a lot to consider-" Elphias Doge began, confused by this sudden change in tone.

"What is there to talk about? I pay for literally everything, I mean have you seen this house? This location? It's not cheap, I'll tell you that much." Sirius spread his hands out.

"Now, that isn't fair, Sirius." Dumbledore said genially. "We all pay our fair share from time to time."

"Albus, your contributions don't add up to a year's tuition, you're paying me with my godson's money." Sirius sighed.

"Wait a moment, I feel like there are other qualifying factors in being the leader of a secret army. You know, like experience." Remus put forward.

"Oh you really don't wanna go down that route." Sirius rolled his eyes at him.

"Well, he does have a point, Sirius, my boy." Albus smiled.

"Yeah, well what good is experience if your idiocy outweighs it tenfold." Sirius was fired up now.

"Sirius, we have been through this, staying with his aunt and uncle is essential for Harry's protection." Albus stood up.

"Essential my ass, Dumbledore, anyone else on this table could take care of him. Most of us actually have." Sirius contradicted.

"Not for very long." Albus muttered in annoyance.

"Let's talk about his relatives, there's his fat abusive cousin, his fatter more abusive uncle, his nosy and abusive aunt... the balloon." Sirius smirked at the memory.

"We don't talk about Marjorie." Albus sat back down and put his hands to his head.

"He's got you there, Albus." Mad-Eye Moody laughed.

"Oh, as if you're any better, Alastor. One of your greatest injuries was caused by a sixteen year old death eater with his father's wand." Albus turned to the grizzled old auror., mentioning the gap missing from his nose.

"On the topic of teenagers..." Sirius added and Albus paled. "Your weakness is a fourteen year old boy."

"Wait, are you serious?" Nymphadora Tonks asked with a snicker.

"Yes, well, if Voldemort were to kidnap Harry, I'd like to see him try something. Or better yet, for you to retrieve him without my help." Dumbledore challenged. "What shall you do, bark at them?"

"Well, for situations like that, you're right, you're probably needed." Sirius admitted. "But if Voldemort tires you out and takes away your wand... what are you gonna do?" He questioned.

"So be it, Sirius." Dumbledore sighed laboriously.

"Yeah, that's what I thought." Sirius crossed his arms.

"Alright, alright, we get it, Sirius, you're quite cool. But what about Minerva? I mean, she had experience and she's extremely smart." Remus offered.

"Yeah, but, I mean, come on guys-" Sirius laughed, sealing his fate. "She's a wo-"

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"There there, sit down." Remus guided Sirius to his chair, the man nursing a stinging hex on his right cheek.

"I didn't even wanna lead that stupid group anyway." Sirius sniffled.