Maybe it's better this way (Tommyinnit angst) COMPLETE

chapter 1-sharpener

Tw's:
Self harm/blade
Suicide mentions
Transphobia
Slurs

"I'm so sorry..." I whispered and I closed my eyes for what I hoped was the last time

REWIND TO A WEEK PRIOR

Tommy's pov:

Another week of shitty school done and now two months at my "home" I hate there they are so openly transphobic it's unreasonable. I wish there were no breaks because then I wouldn't have to stay with the assholes I live with all the time. I slowly let out out sigh as I rounded the corner to my street and slowly walked the rest of the way to me house. I stood and stared at the door for a second before I slowly put my hand up to reach for the door handle and turned it open.

"Hey, Ti." I cringed as I heard my dad call my deadname from the kitchen. I hadn't told my parents I was trans yet so I didn't dare correct them when they would call me Ti or Tiana or something like that. I just sat there for a second before responding

"Hi, dad, I'm going to my room." I walked up stairs quickly I heard him say something after me but I wasn't sure what he said because when he said it I was already half way up the stairs because, very luckily, I was super tall I was already 6 foot something tall.

I didn't bother to stop at the bathroom. I just ran straight to my room and started to bawl my eyed out.

I simply couldn't deal with my emotions right now. I needed it. I played my self harm Playlist with songs I liked that involved self harm. I listened to it every time I would self harm. I grabbed my favorite blade from out of my nightstand drawer as through my headphones the song Sharpener by Cavetown was blaring through them. I placed the blade against my skin and dragged it over and over, some deeper than others. Each time I did it I named off s reason why I deserved it.

Tranny, faggot, fat, ugly, stupid, failure.

Other thoughts ran through my mind at 1 million miles an hour. I kept doing it until I felt the warm trickling of deep red blood down my arm. Pain, only pain. That's all I felt all along my blade kissed arm. I sat there staring at my bleeding arm for over 5 minutes before grabbing a paper towel to clean my my arm because after all i had been sitting there letting the blood run down my arm onto my thighs and legs. I walked to the bathroom with the paper towel and cleaned off my legs and thighs before putting the paper towel on my arm to stop the bleeding. After a bit I threw the paper towel away and walked back to my room put my blade away and turned on my phone.

I went to my self harm tracking app and saw 1 month 7 days 8 hours 2 minutes and 35 seconds before I clicked the reset button with tears streaming down my face so hard I could bearly see. Damn it! Not again! After all my hard work and dedication to getting this far. For nothing. Why do I do this every time. I get so far just to reset it. I always fuck it up. I lay in my bed as I stare at my arm while crying for over 10 minutes before pulling my sleeve down.

I just sat there crying and crying for over an hour until i couldn't cry any longer and the only sounds escaping my mouth was the stupid little hiccupey animal noises caught in my throat.

The noises eventually stopped so I just sat in silence staring at my ceiling until my dad came and knocked un my door.

"Dinner is almost done, Ti, so come down soon" my dad said before he walked away quickly.

"Ok I'll be down in a minute" I responded in a slightly loud tone so he could hear me. I sat up and my head was pounding from the crying.

I walked to the bathroom to clean myself up and make myself not look like I have been bawling my eyes out and had been debating my life for the last two hours. I looked myself in the mirror and I looked good enough so I walked downstairs and sat at the table.

While I was in the bathroom my family had already started eating and they got me a plate. This evening was already just great and it's gonna be even better because of this. It's now time for the other voices in my head to take over my mind and make me feel like I'm not good enough, yay, how fun.

805 words
Hello and thank you to.the people reading my story, I'm so sorry it took me so long to write such a short chapter, I was debating what to put in it. Anyways aside from the story I hope you all have an amazing morning afternoon or evening. Remember to drink some water eat something and have an amazing day :)