Tws:
Mentioned suicide attempt
Dysphoria
Mentioned self harm
Mentioned abuse
Tom's Pov:
I woke up feeling really warm so I sat up I was hugging tubbo in my sleep? How did that happen? Ohhh right I remember never mind... it's kinda comforting to have tubbo here with me. I decided to just stay in bef with him, I felt like shit that he was here for me because I tried to kill myself. I felt like shit also because I felt like I could never be a real boy.
I just decided to lay against him and cry, and cry, and cry for over an hour. He woke up shortly after I'd been crying for an hour and a half.
He noticed that I was crying immediately.
"Hey what's wrong tom? Its alright dont cry" tubbo said as he hugged me tightly
"Im having bad dysphoria, and, I feel like shit because you came here for me because I decided to try to kill myself" I said straight up because I didn't have any other way to word it.
Tubbo hugged me tightly and said "I'm here because I love you and I'm scared, I'm scared that I'm going to lose you"
"I'm sorry tubbo, I just felt like at that moment in time I needed to do it and there was no way anyone was gonna stop me. I really don't want to die now, knowing I have reasons to keep fighting." I answered him then hugging him tightly
I heard a knock on the door "come in" I replied to the knock, it was Phil, I didn't know Phil was coming. I stood up and hugged him.
"Hey Phil, you here for me too?" I asked
"And because Tubbo missed me." Phil smiled
"I'm assuming either tubbo or wil told you that I'm not doing great mentally." I said and Phil nodded to what I said
"I want to tell you why my mental health is so bad, why I'm living here, and what happened. So firstly my father was very abusive to me, I'm living here because my father said that I could come here because he didn't wanna deal with me, and finally, I've been dealing with a lot and that has caused me to become suicidal, I did try to kill myself, and I have been self harming. I'm trying to recover." I said not giving Phil any time to speak at all
Phil just looked at me and then gave me a hug "I used to cut myself when I was your age too" he whispered in my ear I hugged him tighter, so many people in my life, that I am friends with, used to be self harmers or suicidal it's so crazy. I felt so accepted it had been three days since my last relapse and my suicide attempt.
"I'm three days clean for both of them" I noted
"Is it OK if I see them?"
I nodded rolling up my sleeved to reveal my attempt, and all of my cuts. I then rolled up my pants legs to my thighs, and, pulled up my shirt on my to show my stomach.
"Tom... these are bad" Phil said looking at my arm and thighs mainly
"I'll be okay Phil, they will heal." I said giving him a hug Phil smiled at me and nodded
Time skip to the day before tubbo and Phil leave because I'm lazy they did a bunch of shit together, like skating and going to the movies, Tommy is doing a lot better mentally and hasn't relapsed
"I'm gonna miss you guys when you leave" I said to tubbo and Phil
"Yeah we should pack soon, but it's time to get some sleep, goodnight everyone" Phil basically told us what time to go to bed every night, which is 11:30
As soon as I got into my room I layed on my bed and basically passed out.
660 words
Hello everyone, I'm only going to be posting a few more chapters of this because it's almost over and it's just insane how much support I've gotten even though I take a lot of time to wright these chapters usually. Well anyways remember to eat something, doing water and stay healthy. Most importantly yiu are loved BYEEEE
YOU ARE READING
Maybe it's better this way (Tommyinnit angst) COMPLETE
FanfictionTommy is a young streamer who is trans (ftm) with very transphobic parents so he can't come out to them, he may not be the smartest but he knows coming out to them would be the worst mistake of his life and he eventually has enough and goes with Wil...
