how heavy is your heart today?
the same weight of a leather leash.
ELEVEN.
you made him irrelevant.
I have had a few lovers.
But there was one that stood out.
He obstructed my view
of my own affection
now i can barely differentiate
between a love language
and a need for validation.
do i really like feeling the skin of others
against mines?
the pads of their fingers grazing my flesh
or their hands interlocked with my own.
was i trained like a dog that
if i didn't reciprocate your desires
i would be left for myself.
and that would have been the greater outcome
that i wish you had walked out of my
daily routines.
however, i wasn't as aware of my worth
as i am now.
despite him leaving nonetheless
he still left me
with a leash—
tied tightly around my small throat—
so strong that the words i had strung
together like fine yarn into a scarf
had no way
of existing off my tongue.
this collar forbade me from believing
that i could be loved beyond
acts of service,
beyond the messy, and engraved
sexualization of myself,
and from
breathing without fear
around any man i may come across.
then came, him.
he untied the restrictive leather
that wrapped around my neck
replacing it with pearls of
reassurance and
thumbs that grazed my under eyes.
he forbade me
from romanticizing
the bare minimum respect of a
genuine relationship.
forced me to stop
holding him on a high pedestal
for not touching me
without my consent.
he told me
this was the lowest of the standards
that any individual
should hold.
suddenly,
i could find myself
stop mistaking
toxicity for excitement
and peace as boredom.
YOU ARE READING
hold my heart.
Poeziewill you hold my heart? rini's heart could one day weigh of gold the rock solid material gravitating your shoulders low, or the next, weigh of feathers because her touch was nearly alike.
