Tough Love Carl Grimes x reader

Ch 11

Ch.10 recap
I was scared...and that's when I felt something I thought I would only feel if someone left me. The urge to kill anything and everything.
End of recap

Y/N POV
I heard him say something or I think he did I got so angry and tears started flowing down my face I yelled without thinking. "SHUT UP FOR FUCKS SAKE! WE ARE KIDS RICK, WE NEED A LIFE! A LIFE EVEN IF IT MEANS WE ACT LIKE IDIOTS CAUSE THATS APART OF LIVING!" I yelled throwing my hands up in the air looking around while talking. "We are living!" Rick yelled one hand pointing to the ground to prove a point. "RICK THIS ISNT LIVING! It's just surviving...we need to have some laughs and fun, I need some... I can't keep doing this!" I yelled but then I gave up and went to a hushed tone. Right then Carl came closer to me then ever and told off his dad and walked us to the bedroom that we shared. I cried in his arms and he kept rubbing big and small circles on my upper back and kept kissing my forehead over and over till I felt like I was falling asleep. "Carl.." I said and I felt him nod. "Promise me that we will always make each other laugh and only on a serious matter we don't laugh at all." I said looking up at his blue orbs. He looked down and smiled, and said something I will never forget. "If you think I would never agree to that beautiful voice of yours you are beyond than just insane." He said hugging me just like he did with Lori which made me feel safe and something else but after that I would always be with Carl and by his side and I knew that for certain.

~Time skip brought to you by Daryl's badass crossbow~
T/W! Mentions of blood and a but of self harm. Please don't read any further if you feel uncomfortable!

After the governor is dead and you all lost the prison and going towards the house.

Y/N POV
We lost it again. Our home, our people, our family...even the newest one Judith...
"Carl slow down please.. my feet hurt and Ricks injured we need to help him.." I said running to grab his hand, but he just looked back stopped and when Rick caught up he started walking again. "Carl talk to me, I know what's it's like you know that so I understand you but let it out Carl." I begged running to his side after checking on Rick making sure he was able to walk.
"Listen. I get your trying to help but I don't need you or anyones help, so get off my back about it." He snapped at me and slapped my hand away from him. "I-okay if you need me I'll be in this house..." I said to him, but mostly Rick. I knocked to make sure no one was in there or more like nothing. It was clear everywhere but no food. But a med kit is just what I needed. I jumped with joy and ran to Rick or where I thought Rick went but it was where Carl was. "Hey look I found us a nice med kit! I have everything to patch up any wounds, good or bad!" I yelled running in without looking to see who it was. "O-oh sorry Carl I thought Rick was in here..is there any cuts or something that does need attention?" I asked taking one step back. He noticed how I put distance from us and he seemed to tense when I did that. "Yeah...it's just a scratch but it hurts a little mind patching it up for me." He said walking towards me and placing his stuff on the table. "Now Carl Grimes you really think I would say no to that handsome voice of yours, you must be beyond insane." I said giggling very softly to lighten his mood by the slightest bit. "Don't do that Y/n.Not after what happened again and after we lost everything!" He yelled getting up and walking straight at me, I got scared and went to grab his hand next to me but then I realized, he's the one going against me.I don't know if he noticed but he stopped right in front of me. " You might know what it's like to loose everything. But you never lost it over and over again." He said his eyes looking straight at mine and no emotion in his voice. " Carl, you didn't loose everything. We all did, we lost everyone we loved before. And everything we loved to." I said looking down to scared to look him in the eyes, I don't know why I couldn't look at him but I felt so depressed. "What do you mean we?" He asked backing up slightly. "I mean, you weren't the only one to loose people. We all lost someone and we always will. So DONT act like you're the only one hurting!" I yelled looking at him and tears streaming down my face. He just stood there and he looked pissed off and then walked away pushing me out the way. "We lost everything but I still won't stop loving you like best friends should Carl." I said not looking back at him but knowing he could hear me. That's when I ran past him to a different house completely. I broke up in tears and started breaking everything I can think off. My hands started to bleed but I couldn't stop...I didn't want to stop either, it felt good to bleed. Not from anyone. But just myself. Then I heard the door swing open to find Rick and Carl there. "Y/n! What are you doing, you're bleeding to much come on we have to treat it before it gets infected." Rick said grabbing my hands. "I'm fine." I said with my teeth gritted together while yanking my hands away.