ᴺᴱᵂ ᴺᴱᴵᴳᴴᴮᴼᵁᴿ

dont say that

i now looked away, tears forming in my eyes.

i pulled my knees to my chest and held myself together, almost breaking down.

"i wanted to make you jealous"

"after what?"

"the hookup"

"wow, fuck you" i said, crying into my knees

"but it's because i had a crush on you and i wanted to get you back by making you jealous"

"you're a fucking prick, take me home" i said.

i looked up at the fireplace, then stood up to go back to my car.

marcus drove back home, and parked in the spot i parked in before.

"y/n, before you go.." he said, before we parted ways.

he handed me my keys and he pulled me close.

"i'm sorry for being such a bad person" and he kissed me.

there on the sidewalk, he kissed me.

but my salty tears had pulled us apart, the tears ended up in the kiss, and i pulled away.

"i shouldn't be doing this, goodbye marcus" i said, going back to my house.

i already knew my next song would be about this.

i went to bed, fell asleep quickly after this emotional day.

i woke up, and just started writing down lyrics.

the lyrics would be about.. what happened yesterday but also suicide.

Take me to the rooftop
I wanna see the world when I stop breathing
Turning blue
Tell me, love is endless, don't be so pretentious
Leave me, like you do (like you do)
If you need me
Wanna see me
Better hurry
'Cause I'm leaving soon
Sorry, can't save me now
Sorry, I don't know how
Sorry, there's no way out (sorry)
But down, mm down
Taste me, the salty tears on my cheek
That's what a year-long headache does to you
I'm not okay, I feel so scattered
Don't say I'm all that matters
Leave me
Deja vu
If you need me
Wanna see me
You better hurry
I'm leaving soon
Sorry, can't save me now
Sorry, I don't know how (sorry)
Sorry, there's no way out (sorry)
But down, mm down
Call my friends and tell
Them that I love them
And I'll miss them
But I'm not sorry
Call my friends and tell them that I love them
And I'll miss them
Sorry

instead of "mountain" i used "rooftop" to make it not as obvious that i was talking about yesterdays situation, because i knew marcus would eventually hear the song anyways.

i sang the song in the way i wanted it to sound. slow and steady.

i wanted a piano, thats all, i wanted it to almost be like an a capella song.

only some building up sound effects on some lines.

this song was very personal, and very different from my other songs.

i didn't do much all day, but i had the courage to go outside with Hugo, who was Tico and got excited.

that scared me, but i didn't really pay attention, instead i just sang the song from the notes, making some parts better.

i then took my guitar and added some chords to it.

there wasn't many chords, i knew it would be played on a piano anyways.

i knew how to play the piano. i played all my childhood.

guitar was when i started playing when i was about 12.

i started off on a ukulele and then an electric guitar.

i sang the song and strummed the chords, and i loved it a lot.

Hugo eventually stopped barking at Tico.

this was my time to finally play the song without any barking.

i loved the song so much, soo much to the point where i started to tear up.

i wasn't surprised, the song was very important to me anyways.

suddenly my phone started to ring.

it was daisy.

i sighed, thinking about whether or not i should answer it.

i eventually did though.

"hello" i said

"y/n! hiii"

"hey"

"congratulations on your awards"

"thanks"

"why are you so moody?"

"i don't know, i'm not in the mood right now"

"come on i'm your best friend!"

"daisy, i think we should have a break"

silence hit the other phone as i sighed.

"why would you do that?"

"i don't know, things you did in the past just"

"what things? y/n after everything i've done FOR YOU, AND YOU DECIDE TO LEAVE?"

"i'm not mentally ready-"

"y/n no one fucking gives a fuck about what you think! you make mental health your personality so people can feel bad and listen to your music, you're so fucking annoying"

tears formed in my eyes

"daisy my mum died" i said.

"i dont care! i hope your next." and she ended the call.

i held the phone to my ear, hearing the ending noise.

tears formed in my eyes, as i slowly took the phone away from my ear and stared at her name in my phone.