it hurt.
it all hurt so much.
it's been almost a year since he lost both louis and their daughter.
he felt so numb that there was barely any way to function and it's all changed him. he hated trying to move on from louis, because it never worked out. train wreck after train wreck.
Louis was standing in front of him, hands behind his back with a light smile on his face, "are you gonna.. y'know..let me go?"
Harry bit his lip and shook his head, he didn't have control over anything that was going on, if Louis moved he couldn't stop him.
"Harry..you have to..accept it," he chuckled pitifully, "I am no longer alive, I'm not with you anymore. Let me fucking go."
Harry felt a pain in his chest, clenching it tightly in his hand.
"Louis, I love you!" Harry shouted, Louis doubled over and held his stomach with a whine, he looked up at Harry slowly and chuckled, "Ouch that, hurt." He paused before jumping up excitedly, "Do it again!"
Harry shook his head, unable to control his tears.
"Y'know.. you should start to be careful about your actions and what you say. It's gonna fuck you up in the end."
Harry gasped softly and opened his eyes, looking around his room that was once shared with Louis. The fairy lights he put up are still over the walls, he lied back and closed his eyes again.
A dream.
That's all it was.
He hated this feeling, waking up alone in a bed that was supposed to be shared with his husband, but everything he's ever wanted has been ripped from his grip.
why?
why him?
did he really deserve this?
to lose his baby and the love of his life?
Harry wanted to cry, but he felt so numb and useless, so drained and dead. He just wanted his family, he hated this so much, he felt so sick.
He heard his front door unlock, he knew it was Luke, he's the only one that's bothered to help him. He eventually started to grow fond of the Australian lad the more he spent time with him, doesn't mean they'll date. Luke was basically taking care of him now, checking in on him from time to time.
"hey, boss, we have work to do." Luke smiled, before covering his nose, "fuck, it stinks in here, when was the last time you cleaned in here."
Harry shrugged, "a year ago." he mumbled, "before louis died."
"c'mon, Haz." Luke sighed, "you can't just sit here and cry, it won't make him come back, you have a that dream therapy session with Adrienne in an hour, we'll go get breakfast on the way."
Harry sat up and wiped his face, "O-okay." he mumbled, looking at Luke, "will you hug me?"
"Get dressed and clean up." Luke ordered, "maybe I'll think about it." he joked, smiling softly before he walked out.
Harry watched Luke and sighed softly, he's been drinking so much, Luke has been looking like Louis to him, it was scary, he would find himself calling Luke Louis and saying things to him that he'd actually say to louis. He admits that it's fucked up, but hallucinations and dreams are the only way to connect with his ex fiancé. He just wants him back. His world.
He just wanted to go back.
/
Luke looked over to Harry in the passenger seat , "you're creeping me out." he chuckled, he was about to start the car, but he was stopped by Harry, he was pushed back against the seat as the curly haired lad crawled over him, he started to breathe heavy. "N-no, Haz!"
Harry smirked and leaned down to kiss Luke's neck, causing him to, shake his head, "Stop! Please!" he cried out Harry ground down on top of the blond Aussie, groaning with a soft chuckle.
"c'mon Lou, it's okay, baby." Harry smirked, Luke teared up and sighed, "C'mon, Louis." he whispered
"Please not again." Luke whimpered, trying to push Harry away, "Luke! I'm Luke!" he cried out, "Stop!" Luke screamed, pushing Harry away successfully, slapping him in his face as he sat up.
Harry covered his face, breathing heavily. "I'm so sorry." He whimpered, covering his face, sighing heavily. It keeps happening an he thinks he's beyond fucked up now, "L-Luke, I-"
"Stop." Luke interrupted, not wanting to hear the same bullshit excuse. He just silenced himself and Harry as he drove out the lot.
23 minutes later harry was lying on his back, staring up at the ceiling. Explaining his dreams to his dream therapist, Adrienne as she wrote down every ridiculous sounding detail.
Sometimes Harry could hear Louis' soft giggles in his head as he talked, it sounded teasingly when he was silent. All he wanted was his family.. he wanted his life back, but all he had was Luke, the faded memories, and his dreams.
This was his life now.
Oh, how he missed his little Loucifer.
