Our year apart

First day of school

I walked into school on the first day with all eyes on me.

{yup literally everyone knows about the zack situation over the summer.}

I focus my breathing trying to steady my heartbeat.

{come on Adalyn you are not going to have a fucking panic attack on the first day of school.}

"Hey"

I jumped at the voice.

"Woah hey addi. Are you okay?"

I looked at Travis while breathing hard. I couldn't focus.

{shit shit shit}

"Are you about to have a panic attack?"

I couldn't say anything. All I could do was shake my head yes. My breathing was heavy and jumpy. I couldn't focus and I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. My vision was blurry and I felt like I was about to pass out.  Travis grabbed my arm holding me up and walking me away taking me to the privacy under the stairs.

"Addi you have to breathe"

Travis's phone started ringing.

"Hello"
"No bad she's having a panic attack"
"Okay"
"Addi here"

He handed me the phone. I grabbed it and tried to say hello but my voice wasn't working.

"Baby you have to breathe"

I kept breathing heavy. I was about to cry.

"Baby breathe I'm right here"
"I ca-can't"

My voice came out heavy between my breath's.

"Baby what happened"
"I-I can't......... breathe"
"Give Travis the phone"

I handed Travis the phone and I dropped to the floor grabbing my chest.

{fuck! This is not happening right now!}

"Are you sure?"

Travis kneeled on the floor in front of me. He grabbed me and planted a kiss on my trembling lips. When the kids ended I looked at Travis.

"Damien told me to do it."

I didn't take my eyes from Travis as I slowly grabbed his phone.

"Hello"
"Hey baby"
"Hi"
"Did that help?"
"Why...."
"I read it"
"You read it?"
"Yeah when you hold your breathe it helps slow or stop a panic attack"
"Huh"
"What's wrong. You haven't had a panic attack in a long time."
"Everyone knows"
"About what"
"Zack"
"How"
"I don't know but they all know. Probably jas"
"Fucking cunt"

I was still looking at Travis and he lightly wiped my tears away while I talked to Damien.

"Fuck what they say. If you need me hold onto your necklace and imagine I'm in front of you. I love you baby. Get to class"
"I love you too"

We hung up and I handed Travis back his phone. He slipped it into his pocket and he helped me up.

"Are you okay?"
"Yeah I think so"
"Okay good come on. I'll walk you"

Travis and me spent the next fifteen minutes going to our lockers and talking. He was trying to calm me down. He was sweet sometimes. He walked me to class and hugged me goodbye. I smiled at him as if thanking him without actually saying it.