Our year apart

So much tears

I couldn't stop crying. Why was I crying so much and so hard. This was not good for me and Travis. How can I be with him if I'm crying hysterically in his arms over his best friend. I just wanted to stop crying, but I couldn't. I was crying so hard I was shaking.

{stop! Please just stop crying! Please Adalyn stop crying over him.}

"I'm sorry"

Travis squeezed me harder.

"Stop apologizing for being hurt by your first love. It's a normal feeling and a normal reaction. You cry. Get everything out. I'm right here"

{why was he such an amazing guy. I really do not deserve him.}

I cried for hours. I cried into Travis's chest while he held me tighter then any other person in the world has. After he got me to calm down I sat up and looked at him.

"I'm sorry."

Travis was still laying down. He looked at me and tilted his head.

"Sorry for what Addi?"

Travis grabbed my hand and looked at me.

"For all of that."
I motioned to the crying breakdown.

Travis smiled at me and sat up. He looked at me in my eyes and sighed. He reached up and wiped away my almost dried tears from my red puffy face.

"Addi listen to me. Damien is your first love. In literally every aspect. He's the first guy you kissed. The first guy you had any feelings for at all. The first guy you have ever fallen in love with. The guy you lost your virginity to. Addi you had a miscarriage by him, if that doesn't warrant for some emotions and feeling and tears. Well then I honestly don't know what does. It's okay to have feelings for me and still care about him Addi. It doesn't make you a bad person it makes you human."

{fuck he was literally so amazing.}

I looked at Travis and had a tear run down my face. Travis instantly gave me a reassuring smile and wiped my tear away almost as soon as it fell.

"Come on dinner should be done soon. We are going to eat then we are going to go for a walk so we can talk. Then we are going to come back here and I'm going to focus on making you forget all about him and only focusing on me."

His voice was soft and calm. I loved when his voice dropped like that. It made me feel so calm and relaxed when he talked to me like that.

"Okay."

Travis stood up and stood in front of me. He grabbed my hands and pulled me up to him putting my arms around his neck. He still had ahold of my hands and he lightly traced down my arms.

"Huhhh."

Travis smiled at me with his lips turning to a crooked smile. He went from my arms down my sides. Very lightly brushing his fingertips against me.

"Hmmmm."

Travis chuckled.

"Travissss."
"Almost Addi."

I looked at Travis and my face was heating up. I turned my face and lowered it.

"Look up at me."
"Uhmmm."

I took a deep breathe and looked back up at him. He looked at me and smiled as he licked and bit his bottom lip smiling at me not being able to stand still. He kept taking his fingers lightly going down my body until he got to my ass. He spread his hands around my ass and stretched his fingertips at the base of my ass cheeks.

In one swift movement he lifted me up into the air.

"Uhhhh."

I gasped surprised that he just did that. He chuckled at me. I wrapped my legs around him.