let me love you ✶ girl groups

nightfall • park jiwon (fromis_9)

prompt: This is a drabble made from a prompt post from tumblr that was requested: "I shouldn't be in love with you." credit to moonsfics on AO3

pairing: park jiwon x male reader.

genre: angst

word count: 1847

Five nights in a row she has used the key you gave her to your apartment. She unlocks the front door at around 11:30pm every night, almost to the minute, sneaks into your room after quietly stepping through your dark living room and avoiding your sleeping cat and dog, then slips into bed behind you, wrapping her arms around you and snuggling her face in your neck. Almost every time, like tonight, her nose brushes along your chin and she hugs you tighter against her, claiming her place as the big spoon. She's already in a sweater and sweats—mostly as a disguise, but also to protect from the cold weather showcasing outside, announcing the approaching winter—and her body is warm against you.

Night time has become your favorite time, although it was never your least favorite as you got to rest and sleep—but now, it is not the sleep you look forward to, it's Jiwon's company.

She takes deep, slow breaths, causing the hot exhales to grace your skin. She's nuzzled comfortably against you, a low humming begins to vibrate from the back of her throat, and you want to just melt against her, but you can't. That part of your mind—the part you try to silence as much as you can, especially when she's here—is speaking loudly again, trying to get your attention.

It's the part of you that hates you only get to see her at night, inside your apartment, when your roommate is asleep or out for the night. You never really go out in public the way you wish you did, much less on real dates. If you're ever out with Jiwon, it's as two friends shopping and getting dinner, because if anyone found out she was dating—and a non idol at that—she could get in huge trouble not only with the media, but with PLEDIS Entertainment. You know she hates having to hide you, it hurts her as much as it hurts you, but she sometimes makes it seem like she's the only one who has a lot to lose in this situation.

Jiwon forgets how much it hurts you when she's gone for days. How much it hurts you can't tell anyone you have a girlfriend but she can tell her group members that she's in a relationship— but even then you can't be a real couple around them because there's someone else always there. How painful it is to only have her for a few hours, then have to kiss her goodbye before the sun starts rising. Jiwon doesn't realize how being with her doesn't really feel like being with her. And she's had other relationships, with both men and women, and they've all functioned around the same sneaking-off line, so it leads you to believe she doesn't know a relationship to be anything but this.

"Hey, are you alright?" Jiwon asks. She loosens her grip on you, enough for you to turn under the blankets to face her.

The room is mostly dark, except for the little light shining in from the window behind you. It doesn't cast a light over Jiwon, but it still makes the space around you glow a bit with light. You can make out her tired features, and you study the way her long hair is braided and rests over her shoulder and almost around her neck as she lays on her side. Her dark eyes study your face, her cheeks a little flushed from the warm heat of the blankets and clothes, and her lips rest in a worried curve at the corners.

Giving a small nod, you try to smile before reaching for her, wrapping your arm around her to pull her in closer. She doesn't seem to believe you as her expression turns into a concern frown within seconds and she pulls back when you try to kiss her.

You were hoping to shut down that voice in your head by having her close, by touching her, and kissing her, and just losing yourself in her. But Jiwon seems to catch that something is wrong, and you feel it building—that urgency to say what is eating you up. She pulls completely back, then sits up on the bed, leaning against the headboard.