Amateur #NaPoWriMo 2015

Marred

From afar, I continue to watch you everyday.

I continue to imagine you smiling at me, holding my hand.

Should've known better, but still didn't know to stay away,

didn't know your kind of hurt already has its own brand.

I wonder why I had to realize it firsthand,

wonder what wouldn't make you explore,

wonder how loving you could be banned,

when I finally realize loving you is a frustrating war.

It's seared in my brain, the day you walked away -

you told me you're sorry, begged me to understand,

but my tears kept on falling and I begged you stay.

I was fighting for our love, trying to take a stand.

You told me you already stayed longer than you planned,

what we have, no, had, was nothing like you had before.

You won't be making any gestures that are grand,

and I finally realize loving you is a frustrating war.

It's foolish to have that scene on replay,

watching the end as if it's video on demand,

waiting, wishing, maybe you had more to say,

but of course, you didn't say anything offhand.

Everything was the way you had planned,

with the feelings for you that you chose to ignore

turning our relationship to no man's land,

and I finally realize loving you is a frustrating war.

Leaving me before your feelings expand

into something that would make your heart mar,

something uncontrollable and unplanned,

when you finally realize loving me is a frustrating war.

Ballade.