Cheating By The Rules | Harry Styles AU (ongoing)

chapter 07

I was chewing on the end of my pen while going through a long email I had received from my client, Chris Howard.

Countless times I had to reread what he had put down, but my mind traveled to a subject I much rather paid attention to; Harry Styles.

Had I been able to keep Harry off my mind since last night? No.

Thinking I could've put him out of my head was a stupid idea to begin with. Every second of that night was imprinted in my brain and regardless of my attempts to stop reminding myself how I felt in his presence, he always snuck his way back in.

In some way I was compelled to remember all the moments we spent together so vividly, it was often overwhelming to recall them. Not only could I picture it happening, but I also could hear his voice, feel his touch, and admire his laugh. It seemed like my brain didn't want to forget this man either and therefore desperate to relive the time we had had.

So how could I pause the memories of him and focus on the present? Running a company came with responsibilities that I couldn't ignore whenever I wanted to. Harry wasn't exactly my main priority nor did he need my undivided attention.

As much as I relished repeating the night in my head, I began to question my actions and concluded I had been too reckless by hiding in the back of a bar with a man who wasn't my husband. It was a no-go.

I must've encountered a moment of weakness to let it come so far. This wasn't me. I had never gone along with a man's ideas if they weren't my husband's or my father's. I had never thought I would be the kind of woman who would do such a thing.

Whenever I showed my face at an event, I was in the presence of married men. If I ever talked to them, I never thought I was crossing a line. Then why was it so different with Harry? Why did it feel like I had betrayed Jace by going to see Harry in a town I had never been before? We were both off the market so it should not be any of my concern.

I couldn't put my finger on why I had allowed myself to go in this direction, but I knew it would be too unsafe to go on. For that reason, I decided not to get involved with Harry anymore.

Seeing Harry again would only bring turmoil and I didn't want to create a mess or let it affect my company. I had worked tremendously hard to get this far and I would never let a man get in the way of it. Besides that, wounding my parents was out of the question.

Meeting up for one night only was enough. We had seen each other and been given plenty of time to catch up to go our ways and live our lives separately like we did before we had met. Both of our marriages were flawed, but it didn't mean we had to give up on our partners. Harry had Ashley to worry about whilst I was swamped with Jace-problems.

We didn't need to see one another again.

It was fun for how long it lasted and the short thrill had been enough. The risks of being with him wasn't worth it. There was too much at stake because we couldn't let this mistake demolish our futures.

Then why did the thought of not seeing him again make my breathing quicken? How come I endured this sense of consternation? Why did my head spin the moment I contemplated how I was going to tell him there couldn't be a 'second' time?

My eyebrows furrowed as I realized what the thought of him did to my heart; it was beating faster than it ever had.

The more I focused on how my body was reacting, the more I understood meeting him last night had been a giant blunder.

My head usually calculated every step I made. Yet, with Harry, my head made rational decisions. Of course, my heart was even worse. Since I finally got to feel alive again, a part of me couldn't trust myself at all, and that made it all unbelievably scary.