Changed By Eyes |h.s.-au|

Chapter 7

Ellas POV:

Loss.

I'm crying and I'm done. I lost two members of my family. I lost my loved ones. The whole way I'm thinking about depression. I know that I'm getting there again. I'm getting there, where I hear things in my head and loose pounds. The low point, where I look like sceleton and don't feel anything. At the time I didnt felt anything, I was a dead woman walking. And it was killing everyone around me. I think I'm not a killer, am I?

We finally arrive at home. I sit down and my mum sits next to me.

"Honey, it's going to be okay. They can rest in peace now. God will help us and them above."

"That is not true! And you know it! Since when are you so fucking religious, mother?!" I shout, because I'm furious. She thinks she knows everything, well... she's wrong.

"Don't scream at me! Don't you dare, raise your voice!" My mum points an accusing finger at me. She looks absolutely mad.

"Too bad I already shouted. I'm going to get up, I don't want to sit with someone, who lies. Who lies about dead people, mother," I stand up, but my mum grabs my wrist. She looks me deadly in the eyes. Her grip hurts. Was she hurting my sister? That was the first question that pops in my brain.

"You, will stay here." She tries to keep it calm, but she is failing hard. Why is she so mad and tense? Doesn't she see that I'm overwhelmed with the death of my family members?

"Mum, I just want to go up," I reason.

"Well, I, your mother, want you to stay down. We have to talk."

"Okay?" I look at her, because I have no clue, why she wants to talk, all of a sudden.

"Firstly, you don't behave well. You stopped being "Ella". Secondly, don't talk back! And last but not least, stop thinking about the loss the whole time. It's depressing me." My mum rolls her eyes. Is she ill? Has she a disorder?

"Mum, you don't know, what you're talking about." I touch her shoulder and take her hand.

"Yes I know. We have to be strong and stop thinking about it. You know what will happen if you don't stop. I'm just worried about you." My mum reasons, but she doesn't sound so worried about me, just about her.

"Okay, mum."

"And call me mother, Joanna."

"What? Mum? Mother?" I look at her worriedly. Is she having a flashback? Was my grandma violent and hurt my mother? Does she think that she is my grandma? Is she ill? So many questions that I have to find out as fast as I can. I can't lose my mother too.

"Yes, Joanna?"

"Mum," I look into her big brown eyes, looking for some sanity.

"It's me, your Ella."

"No, that's not true! You are Joanna, I know my child. And you don't behave well. You need to be punished." God, what should I do? My blood, wants to hurt me. What is happening with her?

"Mum, look me in the eyes. You'll be okay. We'll go to a doctor, okay? I need you mother!" I begin to cry. Why am I crying?!

"No, you are a whore! You are 17 and there is every night another boy in our house. It has to stop! I feels like living in a whorehouse! You won't get out! Don't you dare going out!" Then something happens. Something that I never ever had thought will happen. My mum slaps me. Hard. That answers my question. Yes my grandma was violent. I just hope my mum isn't and I also hope that she wasn't hurting my sister. Maybe that's why Melanie was always so sad. Maybe it wasn't, because of her boyfriend.