Kai Satou x Amy Cement (One-Shots)

New Pet (EMO-TIONAL)

"The true love of my life would never love monkeys." -Kai Satou, Your Turn to Die

I love my wife, Amy Cement. We've been together for over 5 years, and we live in a small suburban home in the middle of London, England. Today was the day... we were finally going to get a pet.

Living in such a small and basic home, we really wanted some fresh new adventure in our life. We didn't just want a pet cat or dog, we wanted something swag. We didn't know exactly what we wanted, but we were going to go to the local pet store to see! After we both were ready, we hopped in our car and headed off. Amy was wearing a black shirt with plaid sleeves and blue jeans, and I was wearing a brown button up with maroon pants.

I turned on the radio and Amy Cement started singing.

"I said oh my God I see you walking by

Take my hands, my dear, and look me in my eyes

Just like a monkey I've been dancing my whole life

But you just beg to see me dance just one more time"

She was so cute, singing Dance Monkey by the Tones and I. It honestly is the best song on the planet because it talks about my favorite animal, the monkey. We got to the pet store and saw exotic animals such as tigers, lion, elephants, emus, ostriches, gin ibushi, parrots, kangaroos, and the like. They recently passed a bill where it is now legal to own these animals as pets. I looked at Amy in awe as she gazed at the animals lovingly.

"Kai! Over here!" I heard Amy shout from across the pet store. "This one... can we have him?" SHe pointed at a monkey inside of a cage. I was fine with monkeys, but why? Wouldn't something like a saber-toothed tiger be cooler? She seemed to answer my question before I got the chance to ask her.

"When I was younger, me and my family would to go Monkeyland twice a year. Once in the summer, and once during Christmas. They would remodel the park for summer and winter every year, so it always was a new experience! Some of my fondest memories are with my family at Monkeyland. If we had a monkey at home... I wouldn't miss them so much!"

I sighed and nodded my head. "Sure, we can get a monkey. Anything for you. I would be excited to have a monkey for a pet!"

Amy looked longingly at the different kinds of monkeys in their enclosures. "Wow, I can't decide! All of these monkeys are so cute!"

"Do you mind if I help? I.... know a lot about monkeys." I turned my head and I saw Wayne from Bojack Horseman. "I did an article on them for Buzzfeed, so I would call myself a monkey master."

Amy blushed. Wait, blushed? She was my girl not this stuck-up buzzfeed writer Wayne. "I would love to hear about your monkeys!" She responded, grabbing his arm.

Wow. Wow. Was I getting cheated on in front of my eyes?! I cleared my throat and Amy shockingly looked back at me. She cleared her throat nervously. "I- I forgot you were here, Kai... Um... Y'know, Kai? I've been thinking about it for a while and... I just don't think we're meant for each other. You don't know as much about monkeys as I would hope you would... Wayne seems a lot better to be my boyfriend..."

I was speechless. This was the silliest way I've ever heard someone divorce their spouse. Wayne chuckled and put his arm around my wife, Amy Cement.

"Y-Yeah..." I said, trying to hold back tears. "I'll go get the divorce papers... I'm taking the car though. I assume Wayne has a car you can get back in." They were too busy being lovey-dovey to hear me. I left the pet store pet-less.

My love for monkeys was gone now. In fact... I think I had become afraid of them. Every time I see a monkey it reminds me of my past with Amy. It is a tragic story, but it made me who I am. I guess... the true love of my life would never love monkeys.