Kai Satou x Amy Cement (One-Shots)

Kinnie Days

I was sitting on my bed, typing on my computer every piece of information I had ever learned in my entire life, when my brother walked in. As expected from a ginger, he was loud and obnoxious, also half my size. 

"KAAAIIIII!!!!!!!!! Someone is at the door, he's asking for you!" My brother Rio the Ranger 3 said. I raised an eyebrow and saved my document, closing my laptop. I don't really have friends, and it definitely couldn't be Mr. or Mrs. Chidouin. I doubt it would be Joe, otherwise known as mrcasino1. I stood up out of my bed before promptly banging my head on the ceiling.

My father, Gashu, is 20 feet tall. I am 10 feet. Ranger is 5 feet. The whole house is adapted to Gashu's needs as a giant, but not my room. He would never step foot into my room, so he has no need to walk in. I was alright with that, but not the ceiling. It sucked, but it was something I was used to.

Ranger left my room and I headed downstairs. I opened the door to see a 6ft tall, bright yellow Labrador standing. He was smiling and looked eager to see me. The piss yellow dog spoke. "Am I Aaron Himelstein in the 2002 comedy spy movie Goldmember? Because nice to meet you!"

I was surprised at his random pop-culture reference. It took me a minute to process what he had said to me, but when I finally got it...

"Why are you quoting a british movie?" I said in disgust.

"Kai... I hope you don't hate the british. That wouldn't be very nice or very mister peanutbuttery of you." The dog said. What is Mr. Peanutbutter? I hope that isn't his name.... that would be sad.

I stood there for a couple seconds pondering what to respond with, before Mr. Peanutbutter filled the silence.

"I'm just teasing, bring it in!" He said and then abruptly hugged me. I awkwardly patted him on the back and soon the hug was over. He then continued speaking, inviting himself into the house and sitting on our couch. "Wow, so spacious! Anyway, Kai, I know something you don't. Wanna hear?!" 

His playful tone and demeanor told me this wasn't going to be serious. I was worried about Gashu finding the dog in the house and punishing me, but I couldn't bring it in me to kick this happy dog out of the house. I nodded my head to urge him to reveal his secret.

"I... Mr. Peanutbutter.... Am your highest kin!!! Congratulations, dear amigo!"

"OH MY GOD MISTER PEANUTBUTTER???" Ranger shouted from upstairs, then parachuted down (as the stairs were so so sos so so tall it would be faster for him that way.)

"I love you!!" Ranger continued. "I am SUCH a Diane kinnie!!"

Suddenly, mr peanutbutters ears shot up. "She's coming" He shouted. I started hearing crumbling, as if the floor was being torn apart. I looked over in the direction and emerging from the ground was a black haired woman with a white t-shirt and a green jacket. 

"DIANEEEEE!!!!!!" Ranger said, jumping up and down and doing the hokey-pokey. Diane yawned and walked over to the couch where Mr. Peanutbutter sat and sat down next to him. He put a hand around her waist and smiled. 

"Kai, are you Memento directed by Christopher Nolan in 2000? Because you seem confused." Mr. peanutbutter asked me.

Diane cleared her throat, presumably to explain. "I only erupted from the ground because your father has decided to frack! If he didn't frack, I could have walked through the front door."

Suddenly, a heard a loud bellow coming from upstairs. "WHO HAST DARETH ENTERED MY DWELLING?!" It was my father, Gashu. I tensed up and prepared for punishmen, but when he turned the corner, something else happened...

"My golly goodness!" He said. "Mr. Peanutbutter and Diane? From BoJack Horseman? What a surprise, I actually kin Todd!"

"W-What's all of this racket?" A concerned Safalin said, appearing around the corner. "The cast of... BoJack? I kin BoJack!"

Just then, BoJack broke through the window, getting glass shards everywhere. "TODD!" He shouted, looking in the direction of the kitchen. I looked at where he was shouting, and surprisingly Todd was rummaging through our pantry. I'm not sure how he got in and was looking around so quetly, but he managed.

"GET ME SOME BUGELS!!" Bojack shouted to Todd. 

"On it!" He responded. 

I was starting to get a headache from all of this noise. I didn't know any of these people... how come they all knew each other, but I have never heard of any of them.

"Cheer up, Kai!" Mr. Peanutbutter said. "Being happy is the Labrador way!"

I let out a long sigh and started to head back up to my room.

"WAAAIIITTT!!!!!" Miley said, running full speed and grabbing my wrist to bring me back downstairs. "We still haven't met my kin!" Miley said. Just then, Todd blew a whistle. As if materializing from thin air, a sexy robot appeared with multiple penises.

"I want you to come for me." The robot said. Miley let go of my hand and ran towards him. 

"Henry Fondle! Of course I'll come for you, you're my highest kin!" She said, giving him a hug. 

"I can feel you inside me." Henry fondle said.

"I'm so glad! I can't believe I've touched your heart this soon after meeting you." Miley responded.

"Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. You feel so good."

Sue Miley was smiley and hugged him more.

I shook my head and pressed the button underneath the kitchen counter. Suddenly, green and blue lights appeared and Mask by Dream started playing. We all had a dance party. The end.