𝐌𝐄𝐓𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐈𝐀 ¹ (moon knight x reader)

4 - AVATAR

I couldn't get that night out of my head. Something inside me screamed that it wasn't a coincidence, but I don't understand how it couldn't have been. Either way, I'm trying not to think about it. At least, trying not to get attached the memory of it.

The way he looked at me that night still lights a spark in me the more I think about it. And I found that terrifying. The thought of someone actually liking me brings up so much deep rooted self-doubt, it's almost fucking suffocating.

But one thing I wouldn't blame myself for is my outlook on love. I never really had much to go off on judging by the way my parents approached each other. It was a love-hate relationship.

Mostly hate.
Or disgust.

They never really exchanged words of affection, but they had their ways of showing it. Honestly, I don't know where my fear of attachments came from. It's just that most of the time, I'm so deep inside my own head that I can't get past the chokehold that my thoughts had on me, causing me to overthink every little thing that I say or do. I can never seem to escape it, and it's like I'm underwater. My own thoughts drowning me and weighing me down until there's no air left to even attempt to resurface.

It gets in the way of basically everything I do, but I'd never show it. I'd prefer people think of me having no feelings at all rather than being so immersed and cemented in them 24/7.

"You're getting distracted again, (Y/N). This isn't the time for you to reminisce or deliberate your feelings towards the giftshop dunce." Seth rudely interrupted my train of thought.

"He has a name, you know. And what feelings would they be, smartass?''

''I think you know very well what feelings they are. You forget I know you better than yourself.''

''And I think you're forgetting who's mind your inhabiting. I think I'd know what my own feelings are mate. And besides, even on the odd chance that I did like him or something, do you really think I'd tell him, let alone you? You clearly don't know me as well as you like to think you do, Seth.''

''The walls you pretend to put up are transparent to me (Y/N). I've known you long enough to know what type of person you are. You convinced yourself that you're destined to be in solitary for eternity, and that you have no sense of belonging or purpose. However, you only think this because you don't let anyone in. You think you've been forlorn your entire life and always will be, but that is not the case. As long as I'm with you, you'll always have a purpose to carry out, (Y/N). You aren't alone when you have me.''

''You know, when you speak like this you really confuse the shit out of me Seth. Makes me think that you can actually tolerate me sometimes.'' I quietly said, mostly joking. I'd never fucking admit it in a million years, but sometimes I actually am grateful that I have him, because at least if I have him, it lets me know that I exist for a reason.

''I never said I tolerate you, actually.'' He replied, with the biggest eye roll I'd ever witnessed. ''I'd have broken your windpipe by now if you weren't chosen by the gods.''

''Cheers mate." I deadpanned.

''There's something about that Stephen, (Y/N). Something is off, unbalanced. I sense chaos within him.''

"Steven." I corrected him.

"Stephen." He repeated.

"Steven. With a V. God, no wonder why your thousand year-old ass is so slow."

"You're remarks are bound to get you in trouble one day. If not with me, with someone who won't be as tolerable."

"And on that day, I still won't give a fuck.'' I snorted.

"Humans are so strange. There is much more than meets the eye when it comes to this complicated race. However, all in all, they are wasteful morons, as you would say."

"I'd say pricks actually. But it just depends on which side of the world you're looking at."

"You have your moments, almukhtar. But your optimism and attitudes towards this world truly makes me think you were created to be an avatar. My avatar."

I raised an eyebrow at his statement. Optimistic my ass. "You know, there is more to life than just being an avatar. Not to say that the world is worth it, but it has it's nice parts. Hell, I don't even know if I would want to be alive long enough to experience the half of it."

"And why do you think that, my avatar?" Seth questioned, turning to me.

"Because if we don't get the scarab, the world won't be a place worth living for.''