Chapter Seven

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 The next couple of days were quite peculiar. For instance, Lee started acting weird around me, she couldn't even look at me for more than five seconds without turning the other way. After two whole days of this, I'd had enough of it and decided to confront her.

"Lee," I said, stepping in her way of the kitchen. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Uh, actually, I was about to, um--" she paused for a minute, not being able to think of a lie, a good one, at least. "Sure." We stepped onto the back patio, where the scene had taken place that night, and closed the door behind us, so Marc couldn't hear us.

"Why have you been ignoring me? You're the one who brought me here but now you won't even say two fucking words to me. Is it because of what happened the other night?" I asked, motioning towards the hot tub.

"No, Tess, it's--" she paused again to think about what she was trying to say. She crossed her arms and looked down at her feet. "Look, Tess,"--looked up at me--"I like you--I do. You seem like a pretty cool person from what I've seen. It's just that--well, I don't want you to think that there's anything between us. That night was a mistake and it shouldn't have ever happened. I was high and horny and you were the first one I saw, but I'm not a lesbian and I'm sorry for taking advantage of you. I just--I need a friend right now, nothing more and nothing less."

"Yeah," I began to feel uncomfortable. The truth was: I didn't know if I liked her or if I wanted anything to happen between us. The only person I really knew I wanted to be with was Ray--God, I miss you, Ray--he made me feel human and not like some bug that you can just step on and kill. Lee, she made me feel like I had a friend and I didn't want that ruined because of a little hook up. "I know how you feel," I did. I knew hot it felt to need a friend to pick you up when you were down. But I never got that chance. People at my school just saw me as a dirty, stinky slut who never took a shower. They looked at my mother, then at me and thought we were one in the same--like I slept with every guy I could get my hands on, married or not. Even though the first person I'd ever even kissed was Ray, let alone slept with. "But you've gotta stop ignoring me. This is your friend's house--not mine."

"I'm sorry, I'll try not to push you away. I promise."

"Thank you."

And for a while, she did keep that promise, but a few more days passed and pretty soon she'd just stay in her room and not talk to anyone--not even Marc. So, I decided to talk to Marc about it, see if maybe he could get her to come out of her room. I mean, they obviously had something going with each other.

I opened his door after knocking a couple of times just to see that he wasn't in there. I stepped into his room and slowly looked around for him. And as I stepped a little more into the room, I spotted something sitting on his nightstand. A needle already filled, just sitting there, ready to be used. My heart started pounding.

No, Tess, you can't do this. You've gotta get better.

Oh, but it'd feel so good. Just a little bit, not a lot. It wouldn't mean anything.

Tessie, you've gotta stay strong.

It'll make you feel better. Just do it.

Don't do it.

Do it.

Don't do it.

Then, I looked out the door, making sure no one was around and then shut and locked it. I walked over to his bed and sat on the edge beside the nightstand. My legs started to bounce as I took a deep breath and picked up the needle. I stared at it for a minute. I never did this before--I've only watched Dave and Ray do it. I sighed and look around for one of Marc's belts and found one laying on the floor at the bottom of the bed. I reached for it and sat the needle back on the nightstand. I stared at the belt, trying to remember how they'd done it. I wrapped it around the top of my arm and ran the belt through the loop, tightening it as much as I could. I put the end on the belt between my teeth so It would still be tight around my arm and began to slap the inner side of my elbow.

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