Can You Hear the Ocean?

Chapter 35

In her childhood bedroom, Leila stared up at the her vibrant purple ceiling, still cursing herself for choosing such an eyesore of a color when she was younger. She leaned over her bedframe and stared down underneath her bed, where Fuji was hiding. Leila reached a tentative hand out, trying to coax him to come join her, but he hissed and swatted instead.

Sighing, Leila returned to laying on her back. She rested her hands on her stomach and glanced around her bedroom, listening to silence radiate through the house. Her mother was out of the house working and her father was downstairs taking a nap from the television. She herself had decided to take a day off from work to relax and calm down after the incident that had occurred a few days prior. 

Why did I tell her that? Leila thought to herself.

Mia's words harshly resounded in the back of her mind. I don't know what you meant to accomplish by telling me that, but it wasn't appropriate.

Leila sat up and clutched her pillow to her stomach. She knew Mia was right. It had been the whole reason Leila had been holding in her feelings all this time. She knew it had been foolish confessing when Mia was in a relationship, but hearing Mia talk about Julian had instilled so much rage in Leila that she'd lost all sense of judgment and let the truth to slip out.

Leila's gaze slipped to her phone. She didn't know why she expected Mia to reach out to her. She'd insulted Mia's boyfriend, kicked him out, then inappropriately declared her love for Mia. Still, Leila was worried about Mia being all alone in the apartment. Her hand inched for her phone, but Leila pulled it back.

"No. We need space," Leila murmured. When they had fought as children, space had always been what had resolved their issues. Although, back then, that space was only an hour at most. 

Leila wasn't sure when she'd return back to the apartment, but certainly not in the next few days. Slowly, Leila's eyes closed, and as she sunk more into her mattress, she felt herself dozing off.

...

Leila wasn't quite sure what time it was when she was awoken by a soft knock on her door. Her eyes shot open, and for a moment, she laid there, confused why she was back in her childhood bedroom. Then reality came crashing at her again, and she groggily sat up and muttered, "Come in."

Her mother stood at the doorway, clearly having just returned from work.

"Hi," her mother said. "Sorry, were you sleeping?"

Leila stretched her arms and neck. "Just woke up from a nap."

"Well, your father should have dinner ready in a half hour. How was your day?" her mother asked.

Leila had always gotten along well enough with her parents. Despite normal arguments growing up, they'd treated her with love and care, and she'd never had a reason to resent them. She knew her parents were merely concerned about her. Anyone would be with the way she had showed up in tears at their doorstep late at night, but she was growing increasingly infuriated with their concern for her. She needed space from Mia, but she also needed space from them, especially since she hadn't had the courage to share with them all the details of the fight. From their perspective, the fight had merely been about Mia's boyfriend being over too much.

"Fine," Leila said. "I'll go back to work tomorrow. I just needed to rest today."

Her mother opened her mouth as if to say something else, but instead she nodded and slowly shut Leila's door.

Leila stood up from her bed and crouched down, once again trying to coax Fuji out from underneath. He stayed put; that was until Leila grabbed his treat bag. Slowly, he slunk out from under the bed.

"I knew you couldn't stay in there forever," Leila teased. He happily gobbled up the treats she gave him and eventually curled up in her lap. As he purred against her, Leila stroked his fur, feeling guilty for having him deal with the stress of a new environment.

"I'm sorry. It's my fault you had to give up your cozy couch cushion," she murmured, planting a kiss on his forehead. "We'll go home soon."

Soon. Leila wondered when that would be. She didn't expect to stay around her parents' place forever. She was still paying rent as it was, but every time she thought of stepping through the front door of her apartment, her stomach twisted in knots.

When her mother called from downstairs that dinner was ready, Leila had to sadly move Fuji from her lap. She was happy to see he at least leapt up on her bed as she left the bedroom, though she knew if her mother or father were to enter Leila's bedroom that he'd leap back under again.

Downstairs, Leila could feel the tension radiating from the dinner table. She and her parents were mainly silent as they cut into the chicken dish her father had prepared. Leila had to admit that it was nice not having to cook for the time being, but then her thoughts wandered to Mia. Was she eating enough now that Leila was gone? There were at least some leftovers in the fridge, though by now they were probably gone....

I don't know why I'm stressing about this. Julian's probably with her anyway, Leila thought annoyingly.

"So," her father said after swallowing a bite of chicken. "Have you given any thought to when you'll go back?"

"You want me gone that bad, huh?" Leila asked. She meant it to be teasing, but her parents both seemed concerned.

"No. You stay here as long as you need, but..." Her mother paused. "We're concerned about you, Lei. Whatever fight you had with Mia sounded bad if it was enough to drive you out of your apartment for a while."

"It's fine, Mom," Leila assured her, trying not to sound annoyed. "I just needed some space. I think Mia did too."

"You two always got along so well as kids. What happened?" her father asked.

It was hard for Leila to hide her frustration. "Ugh, I told you already! It was about her boyfriend, but it's fine. We'll still be fine after this. I think we just needed a little bit of alone time. We'll talk things through. It's no different than when we used to fight as children," Leila assured them.

"Okay," her mother said, beginning to cut into her chicken again.

Leila knew they didn't believe her, though in fairness, she wasn't sure she believed herself either.

That evening, Leila tossed and turned in her bed. Once or twice she reached for her phone, tempted to text or call Mia, but eventually, she placed her phone across the room, deciding it was better she get a good night's sleep for her day of work tomorrow rather than debate if she should check in on Mia or not.

Still, lying awake in the darkness, Leila couldn't sleep. Her thoughts were on Mia, always; how she still loved her despite all that happened, if Mia was doing okay in her absence, when it was an appropriate time to return, but then the thoughts shifted as Leila thought of the job her supervisor had spoken about.

A few weeks prior, Leila was adamantly against leaving Maine. However, Leila was beginning to realize the weight keeping her in Maine was Mia.

After minutes of tossing and turning, as well as chastising Fuji for running around her room in the middle of the night, Leila finally found herself exhausted. Sinking into her covers, Leila shut her eyes and gradually fell asleep.

The next morning, Leila was groggy when she arrived to work. She immediately poured herself a cup of coffee and logged onto her computer to get started on the day. She tugged at her clothes uncomfortably, upset that she had to wear some old professional clothes in the back of her closet that she hadn't touched since high school since most of her business wear was still back at the apartment. 

"Good morning, Leila," someone said behind her.

Leila turned, recognizing Helen. She immediately tried to act more lively and smile in an attempt to hide her lack of sleep. 

"Good morning," Leila replied.

As Helen began to walk away, Leila hesitated in her seat. Then suddenly, she stood.

"Um, Helen?" she asked.

Helen paused and turned back to look at her.

"That job in Connecticut you mentioned...I've given it some thought. Would you be willing to write me a reference letter? I'm going to apply."