Afternoon (Jay Park Fanfic)

Chapter 23

Trigger Warning

I awoke with the pain of a thousand knives stabbing at my stomach.

I screamed as I sat up, clutching my slightly round bump, scaring the man beside.

"What's wrong?" He asked frantically.

" I-i uh I don't know... but it hurtsahhhhh," I cried out. He scrambled out bed, flying to nearest light switch. I wish he'd never turned them on.

I pulled back the covers and the bed was soaked in blood and I felt my heart tear.

"No... no... this can- no this just ahhhh," I muttered as the pain of my reality mixed in with my physical pain.

"Fuck." I was quickly lifted from the bed.

Jay wasted no time, getting me out of his room and to the underground parking deck to his car.

I was in so much pain I couldn't even think. My stomach was cramping and it felt electrical shocks were being sent down my back to my ass.

"Jay I'm scared," I cried out, grabbing his arm after we got in.

"Everything's gonna be okay Jags," he told me. It wasn't reassuring though. Honestly, he sounded like he was trying to convince himself more than me.

I just nodded my head and squeezed my eyes shut. My mind was racing so fast that I couldn't think straight.

Is he okay?

Is my baby okay?

Am I losing this baby?

I silently cried as Jay sped to the nearest hospital.

O_o

Everything moved in slow motion... or the opposite rather. It was me that was in slow motion as everything sped me. I couldn't keep up... trapped in a daze of horror.

What if I lose my baby? How can I continue, knowing you won't be here?

That thought snapped me out of that fog back into reality and I started hyperventilating. The doctor, nurses, even Jay tried to calm me down.

Nothing worked.

My vision became spotty as my chest shook harder with each sob.

"Grace, you have to cal-" the voice that spoke out to me muffled. I couldn't hear anything over the sound of my heart breaking.

The blue black clouds engulfed me... attempting to sooth my breaking heart before the darkness swallowed me whole.

O_o

*Beep*

My head was killing me.

*Beep*

What the hell is that?

*Beep*

It's making my headache worse.

*Beep*

I growled internally at the noise, blinking slowly as I tried to open my eyes. The pale yellow walls and the harsh smell of disinfectant had me nauseous, making it harder to wake up. I turned my head to the right, my tired eyes landing on Jay's bloodshot ones.

"What happened? Where am I?" I croaked out.

"Grace!" He sprung from where he sat to my beside. He grabbed my hand and gripped it tight. "I'm so sorry..."

My stomach dropped as the memories from last night flooded my brain.

"No." I snatched my hand, squeezing my own shoulders. This can't be happening. No, not me.

"Grace you have to listen-"

"No. Our son is fine he-he has to be fine," I stuttered.

The monitor was beeping erratically, matching my heartbeat.

"Grace please," he broke. "I'm sorry but he's gone."

I'm not quite sure what happened next. Between the screaming and the crying, everything is blurred.

I wasn't okay. I was never going to be okay. It felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest and put back in backwards. Nothing fit nor was it where it was supposed to be.

3 days passed treacherously slow before I was able to leave the hospital. I barely ate my entire stay and I said even less.

"Grace please talk to be me," Jay begged as we got into the car.

I ignored his request and stared aimlessly out the window. I felt hollow. My body felt empty like something was missing.

The drive back was silent. Before long we were back in the parking garage. Jay helped me out of the car, though I really didn't wanna get out.

We got on the elevator and then made it it to the front door. I took a deep breath and walked in.

I walked straight in the bedroom and the crime scene I saw before me took the last bit of strength I had left in my legs. I fell to my knees and cried.

"Fuck, Grace I'm sorry, I didn't-" Jay rambled, but there was nothing he could say. The bed was a mess. The comforter was hanging off the bed in disarray while the white sheets were stained with blood. A mixture of red and brown, proving that there was no way my son was making it out of that alive. Jay ran and grabbed the sheets, ripping off them off the bed but it was too late. I'd already seen it. My spirit was already broken.

"Grace I just didn't get a chance to come home, I'm sorry," he apologized. "I stayed at the hospi-" He walked over and tried to help me up but I pulled back harshly, not wanting him to touch me.

The little part left of my brain that was actually logical understood what he meant.

He never left my side. He stayed and slept at the hospital with me.

But the overwhelming emotional part of me couldn't find a single fuck of understanding. The now ruined bed was a reminder that my son was gone and that I couldn't protect him. It was my fault he was gone. His mother couldn't do the one job she had and now he...

I ran out the room to the farthest guest room and locked the door. I couldn't be in that room. I couldn't even be near it. I heard the foot steps that chased after me.

I heard Jay's pleading and begging. I heard all of the I love you'd and the sorry's. But none of it mattered.

My son was dead and no amounts of love and apologizes would bring him back because if it could, he'd still be in my stomach.

I felt like a piece of shit and in those moments, I no longer wanted to live.

_________________________________________________________________________________

This chapter hurt to write. I'd say comment but I'm sad. If you've experienced the loss of a child, I send you a virtual hug and my deepest condolences. Comment if you want ... feels too weird to ask for feedback like normal. Until next chapter. -K