The Assassins Heart

Food and Nightmares

Bucky slept off and on all day, his brain and self loathing kept waking him up. Fucking hydra he thought. As soon as he gets a modicum of peace something happens to rip it away from him. And Kora, she was alive somewhere which meant he could do as his therapist said, make contact and apologise and explain he was not the Winter Soldier anymore. He didn't know how he would find her but he would search forever if he had to.

Lying in his bed, there was a tap at his door. Steve walked in with a plate of food for him.

"Hey Buck, how are you feeling?" he asks quietly.

"I know Nat told you so don't beat around the bush jerk" he says.

"Nat didn't tell me anything other than what you found was bad, she said you would need time and help with this so here I am" he smiles at Bucky.

Bucky was in awe of his friend, everything that they had been through together and separately but he kept coming back for him. Until the end of the line. He smiled at the memory. Steve just waited for his friend to open up to him which he knew was never easy.

"Here the new recruit made home cooked pizza, it's really good" he handed over the plate.

Bucky's mouth watered at the smell, picking up a slice he bit into it and chewed slowly.

"This is amazing," he muttered.

Steve smiled, he could tell Bucky was trying to think how to start talking about what happened.

"Bucky if the pain is still too fresh we can wait to talk about it '' Steve started to say.

"No! I mean no, I need you to know because if you don't judge me it means I can try to get past it" he says.

Bucky leans down and grabs something from under his bed, a file Steve realises.

"Read this and I'll talk after ok" Steve nods and begins to read.

My god thinks Steve, his heart beating rapidly in his chest. Hydra just keeps torturing his friend. He looks over to Bucky to see he has fallen back to sleep, the guilt and shame obvious on his face. He knew what Bucky was thinking about himself and he understood why. This man, his friend and brother was thinking he was a murderer and now a rapist. But the girl in the file, Kora, it looked like she had befriended the Winter Soldier, had tried to have a relationship of sorts with him and knowing Bucky he looked right past that part.

Of course that didn't make it alright, not in a million years but it still was not Bucky's fault. But he would blame himself relentlessly for it Steve knew. Bucky thought Steve didn't know that when he was feeling guilty he would let Steve beat the crap out of him in the training ring, Steve still held back, only doing enough to help his friend release some of his burden. With a deep sigh he placed the file back under Bucky's bed, took the now empty plate and left the room quietly.

Heading back to the kitchen Steve's heart was heavy but he knew he would always side with his friend no matter what and Bucky needed him now more than ever. Deciding now that he would find a way to help he held his head up and entered the kitchen with a smile only to walk in on Percy making a sexual innuendo at him. He blushed furiously at the comment and grabbed more pizza to hide his face. There was chatting but he wasn't paying attention to it, he was trying to think up a plan to help Bucky. He would take Bucky training, that always loosened his tongue. And hopefully they could talk through everything and start on forgiving himself.

He looked around and realised everyone was moving about cleaning up and Percy was gone, looking at the clock he saw it was only 8pm. He felt bad about not really getting to know Percy yet but his best friend needed to come first right now.