All Over Again

| Chapter Fifty-Eight |

New York, 2022 (Present Day)

Ruth didn't realize how long it had taken her to finish typing up the story of her life until two full months had passed and her fingers were throbbing with the last page of the last chapter completed and typed up. She moved away from her warm laptop that was still steaming with the furious typing she had completed that morning. Her chai tea latte was cold, but she still found herself satisfied when she took a sip of familiarity.

Ruth hadn't realized how therapeutic it was to get her story on a paper until she did it. For three years, she kept everything bottled up inside of her. Every memory, every feeling, it was all wound up tight within her because she couldn't let it go. She couldn't let him—Raffo—go.

But now . . . now she could. She was ready to share her story with the person who mattered so much to her. So, when Emily came floating down the stairs in her tight yoga outfit, ready to go to her cycling session, Ruth realized she was more than ready. If she wanted to move forward with Em like she wanted to, she needed to be honest with her.

When Emily came closer to Ruth, her smile was absolutely radiant. So radiant that Ruth's breath got lost somewhere in the back of her throat. Emily had pulled her dark waves into a high ponytail with the tips of the strands brushing along the sides of her neck, her soft gaze full of dark gems. Ruth couldn't stop herself from reaching out for her best friend and capturing her fingers in hers, pulling her closer.

"Good morning to you too," Emily murmured, placing herself in Ruth's lap as she wrapped a secure arm around her neck. Ruth fought the brief urge to pull away when she delved her fingers into her curls and instead reminded herself of all the reasons why she loved this beautiful woman.

The woman who's been there for her every step of the way since the day she left Oklahoma three years previously. She'd be patient, steady, and so caring, and she always put Ruth and her feelings first before her own. And even when she was confused about Raffo and her feelings were messy for years, she still cared for Emily deeply. She knew she could learn to love her more than she already did, and Emily deserved a chance.

She just wished it didn't take her so long to realize it.

"I—um," Ruth fumbled, swallowing thickly at her hesitation. Emily's brows furrowed, but she pushed herself to continue. "I think I'm ready to . . . talk about my feelings and—and let go of everything that's happened. I'm ready to move on."

Emily's eyes reading Ruth's expression closely. After a minute of absorbing her words, she tilted her head, uncertainty lingering in her expression. "Are you sure? You don't owe me anything, Ruth. If you don't want to tell me about it, you don't have to. And I'd never force you to move on."

The corners of Ruth's lips curled, her chest surprisingly warm at the concern in Emily's voice, and she reached up to caress her cheek. "I know. But I want to."

"That day . . . that day was so awful, I just curled into myself, I guess," Ruth continued, rubbing her thumb along the smoothness of Emily's flushed cheek. "If I could have just let him go and saved myself these last three years of pain, I would have. Instead, I let him get to me and I gave you the little bit of myself I had left, and it wasn't fair. I'm sorry I've been so out of it the last few years."

"He hurt you. I don't know what happened that day, but I never expected you to be completely whole with me after something like that. You loved him. Even with me, you loved him," Emily breathed. "And love doesn't just go away overnight."

Ruth nodded slowly.

There was something so . . . devastating, so absolutely wrecking about losing the person you love in any way. Whether that's through a breakup or death, there was just no getting around it. In Ruth's case, Raffo wasn't necessarily dead, but he felt dead to her in every sense of the word. She couldn't talk to him anymore and it devastated her to think that her missing him was always going to feel entirely too deep until she was exhausted. The betrayal from a traitor that she loved was overwhelming, and it tore her heart from her chest for the longest time.

Raffo betrayed her in the worst way possible, and she could never forgive him for that. She could never forgive him for making her feel limbless. For her body changing as she refused to eat because her stomach would clench up with pain every time she would try to eat for those first few months. Emily didn't understand, but she had no choice but to move on.

"It's not a very long story, nor is it a pretty one. You got time before cycling?" Ruth asked, hopefully.

"For you? I always have time," Emily smiled, pressing her lips to Ruth's forehead. "Now, what happened?"

*****