Everything And Nonsense

End Game

By now, things got worse before they got worse.

Late November, I'd been in Beck house for about 5 months now, and I was leaving in a month. My mom had come home 2 weeks before the hell began, and she was at home now. I'd been visiting her in the halfway house before then. Apparently she'd started a relationship with a guy named Ryan, who ended up becoming my stepdad. A great guy, I'll tell you about him later. Ariel left around July. Then Aliyah in early November. Anyways, Mom called every week. She told me that my grandpa was getting sicker by the day, pretty much. Well, you know what happens next. I can't handle change, so fight or flight kicks in, and I sure wasn't sent to RTC for flight, was I? Yeah. For a week I was absolutely pissed off and argued and defied my way to early bed times and restraints. Something I never mentioned: They took boundaries to an EXTREME. We had been taught that everything was private pretty much, and that sex was the worst thing ever. I mean, they were just scaring us, because come on, we were all a bunch of 9 year olds (except Anika, she was 11 and kissed me once when nobody was looking. Last I saw her she was arrested for biting a staff member or something. I kinda liked her because it was one of the bitchy staff), so we were all freaking out about boys and what to do when we got older. I think they ruined my life a bit because now I find sex and normal life things really disgusting and/or inappropriate. Like how would you have kids? I mean, I probably won't, but you never know. Whatever. We were immediately separated when getting close, which made me fear that if I was too close to someone I loved, they'd be torn away, so I decided to not get close with anyone. And I'm still holding to that. Kind of. 4/12/2014. I get sent to my counselor. My mom is there. I asked what was wrong, and she said something I dreaded. My grandpa was dead. One of my best friends. I ran out of the room and hid. As usual, something had to happen to ruin temporary happiness, because I found out I would be a big sister again. Why again? I had a brother named Gabriel at some point when I was 5, but he died suddenly. Hearing that my mom was having another baby was great news to me. By now, I'd lost hope for life, so this news gave some back. Yeah. Imagine losing your will to live at 9 years old. They let me go to my grandpa's funeral, but then I had to come right back. I wasn't in the mood to fight anymore. It wasn't worth it now. Now I was in the end game, waiting for my "discharge day". On the 23rd, I was sent home. My mom and her fiancee (my stepdad) at the time picked me up. We drove all day. I walked back into my own house after not being there for 6 months pretty much. Now it was permanent. Now I was home for real. There was always this room I was never allowed to go in because it was just "off-limits" with no reason behind it. Ironic how that room, out of the 3 other rooms, became mine. My parents had the room next to me. God I hated that, glad they're in a different one these days. Whatever. As for the YouTube thing, I never gave up on that. Except now it was "MaddyJoyLo", and I learned about a game that ended up being a pretty big part in my life: Five Nights At Freddy's. Yeah. That game. Obviously you know I like FNAF since I wrote a whole trilogy about the new game's characters.

(Shameless plug, go read Gator 1, 2, and 3. 4 coming soon lmao)