Everything And Nonsense

Imagine

My imagination is overwhelming to keep track of.

It started with Nathan Baker. My imaginary friend. Then Jake Thompson. Felix Whitner. Melody May. Oliver Baker. They were my FNAF bunch. Then they became more. Danii Lovette. Irenne Lane. Bella May-Baker. Keith O'Leary. Jules Rae. Delilah Kooper. My Fortnite bunch. Kevin Darmin became part of my FNAF bunch, sharing the spotlight closely with Nate. These people aren't real. They never were. But they were to me. They *are to me. I zone out frequently. Whatever. It's in my nature by now. But if you see me "talking" but staring at a wall, I'm seeing aomething entirely different. It's not a wall. It's a canvas. A story scene. For as long as I could remember, I loved making stories. It was my thing. Nathan was the start. I didn't want to let go of him, even if it was childish to keep going on, talking to an imaginary friend I've had since kindergarten. I'm a teenager now, almost a young adult. I obviously can't keep going. And yet, I sink back into my little world, checking on my mental storybook. My studio where I'm free to do anything. Now that I think about it, it reminds me of that shitty movie I hate. Inside Out. They're all my emotions, or rather, life traits. Jake is responsibility, Delilah is innocence, Jules is brutal honesty, Kevin is free spirit, Nathan and Ollie are the line between Neutral and Odd, Felix is emotional distance, Keith is alientation, Bella is childhood trauma, and Danii is rebellion. They're my comfort thoughts. The good things that keep me awake. My third family, the second being whoever I'm still friends with in my community, the first and most important being my parents and sisters. I never speak to anyone about them besides Zach. I'm too afraid to talk to anyone else about them. They'll think I'm crazy or weird. And I've had enough of being told I'm too weird to talk to. It's why I have social anxiety. Why I have a fear of being stared at. Why I'm easily irritable. These people in my mind have their own lives that seemingly clash. Jake and Kevin are married, but how do you handle your wanting to be a free spirit but also take care of your responsibilities? Nathan and Oliver are twins, But it's hard to manage my normal self and the obscurities I hide from view. Delilah and Bella are friends. It's hard to be innocent and endure the thoughts of the trauma along the years. Felix and Keith go hand in hand, yet they hate each other. My world makes no sense and perfect sense. It's where I live during my days. It's the same old that never gets boring. It completes me. I live in this little fantasy where everything is okay and nobody is going through loss or suffering. But reality often slips in. Jake's got severe anxiety and is often stressed. Jules wishes she could see her mom, but she just can't get to her. Oliver was born unable to think right, often forgetting and spacing out, then returning to her rosy filtered world. Delilah is hurt by some of the people she loves, but continues to love them. Kevin is making himself sick trying to keep his friends from feeling hurt or abandoned, trying to please everybody. Hm. Maybe reality sunk too deep. But it makes them feel all the more real to me. I can relate to these people because we've gone through the same things. I had to grow up early to care for my grandparents and myself. Nathan used to be my age. But because I grew up in my mind, he grew along with my mentality. By the time I could be a kid again, Nathan was already a teenager, and I feared he'd want nothing to do with me. But he continued to be my friend anyways.