Everything And Nonsense

It Doesn't End

Does it?

This January, I heard my uncle was in a car crash. We were worried, and I just did what I could do: Think Positive. Pray. Have faith he's alright. And he was for a moment. A bit dinged up, but okay. We were relieved. It doesn't last long in our house. We may be cursed. Whatever. When I thought he'd be okay, he got very sick. It was his birthday and he refused to go to the hospital. Eventually that night, Mom convinced him to go. He went, and I stayed awake for 2 days. No news was seemingly good news, but terrible. The next day, I was getting ready for school. Mom received a call as I walked into her room to grab a hairbrush (my gremlin little sister stole mine), and I wondered what was wrong. She said my uncle didn't make it. I just. Stood there. Didn't move for a moment. This wasn't true. Not him. Not another. But, of course, it was true because we can't have a happy moment. I'd gone to my friend at first because I was stressed. He asked what happened. I told him I couldn't talk about it. Well, now I could. I told him what happened, and cried. I cried for days. 2 months later, we were at his funeral. No matter what, for 7 years it's always been Mom, Stepdad, Victory, and me. People would come and go. We would remain. But this was different, this wasn't normal. He was actually gone and not coming home. This wasn't "Uncle Jimi goes to jail for a while and comes home". He wasn't coming back again. Why is our family doomed to have such shitty luck? Why do we lose everyone, everything, each other at times? What did we do? I didn't go to school for a week. Mom didn't go to work for a week. Nobody left the house. We couldn't. Mom went away again, and I was taking care of Victory. I understood. It was her brother. I kept taking care of my sister, occasionally getting a break. And then Mom got a job. I was happy for her. She was stoked too. She was her own boss, worked her own hours. But now, she was never home except for a few minutes. She would come home at midnight. I'd have Victory for a week, then maybe the weekends off. But it gave me time to change things around with her. We fought a lot before. I felt like I was going back to who I was, and didn't want to. I couldn't go back to that 9 year old girl who nobody liked. 7 years have gone by without her. I didn't need her to be tough. I needed to be a big sister. The big sister I wasn't able to have when I was her age. And I'm giving that big sister to Victory.