Everything And Nonsense

Existing

9/8/05. I started existing.

Never asked to do this, but hey, who ever really asks to exist? That's not a bad thing, though. Not a good thing either in some cases. Whatever. My mom used a random name instead of her own when she was on AOL, the beepy boopy internet days in the 90's and early 2000's. She used the name Madison. Well, apparently my grandma loved that name and wanted someone to name their daughter that. You see where this is going? See, my mom already had a daughter, Rhiannon. Named after a Fleetwood Mac song. Well, when she found out she would have another, guess what she named her? Yep. Unrelated (sort of), but I think she worried about me for a while. See, she didn't "find out" early on. I wish she did though. My mom was going through some...problems. She was doing something she probably shouldn't have, and guess how long it took her to find out she was pregnant?

5 months in.

Yeah. She was still pretty skinny so she didn't know until my auntie hugged her and realized my mom was having another kid. My mom probably thought I'd be a little fucked up. She turned her life around real quick. I came out normal. She says I saved her. My dad wanted to see me, but for some reason my mom refused. Fast forward about, lets see, 4 years? My mom, her girlfriend, and my sister were all together in Las Cruces. We lived in this real nice house. I vaguely remember hanging a Barbie off the bunk bed in the room my sister and I shared. Hm, maybe I did have some screws either loose or never screwed in. We had this big golden retriever named Jack. He loved us like we were his puppies. Mom says he would pretend to bury me in the blankets, and that he didn't take his eyes off of us. My sister and I spent the days watching Hannah Montana, playing with Barbies, and at some point I wouldn't shut up so my sister threw a calculator at my head. Good times. I never let Rhiannon live it down. Not so fun fact, we don't have the same dad. Why am I saying this? I'll get to that pretty soon. It seemed like mom and her girlfriend argued a lot suddenly. I didn't understand it at the time. Eventually we had this yard sale. I remember our grandparents visiting. It was nice. Then my sister's dad showed up. He took my sister away. Yeah. He straight up took her and told my mom that she had her 8 years, and now it was his turn to be her parent or something along those lines. All I know is I didn't see her for a very long time. Some time after this, me, mom, and her girlfriend went to lunch. Now this is probably where my attachment to my mother started. As I stated before, she's done some crazy shit. Well, it came back to bite her unfortunately. March 18th. We were out together, and we had Jack with us. It was nice. I remember it being sunny. Mom stepped out of the car and I heard all these loud noises. Black and white cars were everywhere. They put these things on my mom's hands, things that these days I know are handcuffs. They arrested her. I stared from the backseat of our car, and an officer said something to her. Me and Jack were looking out the window. She said she would come home. My grandparents came and got me. I was sent to Albuquerque. Didn't see her until 3 years later. I felt really upset that she left. It felt like she was abandoning me back then. Eventually, mom ended up back in jail, and I now lived with my grandparents. My life was over before I knew it.