The List (collaboration)

Chapter twenty-eight

~ℂ𝕠𝕝𝕓𝕪 ℙ𝕆𝕍~
I sit on the haunted park bench at Griffith park. Staring at the city. Why was she there..How was she there...? My thoughts run wild. What if she hates me? Where was the kid? What about Sam? I slowly start to question if I'm even ready for shit like this. I soon feel someone tap on my shoulder but I turn and there's no one there. I sigh knowing it was all in my head. Im not fit for a father.. I let her down, I let the baby down..I hurt everyone I love.. I feel tears well up in my eyes and slowly roll down my cheeks. I zone out soon, crying silently and once I snap back to reality (oop there goes gravity- iykyk) and realize it's nighttime. I grab my phone and check the time. 8:30 pm. Fuck. I notice 10 missed calls from Sam and three texts from mike. Why are they worried about me? My phone starts ringing and it's a familiar number but it's not saved in my phone. I answer "Colbs! You're alive! Where have you been?! Me, Sam and Mike have been trying to get ahold of you!" I hear Sylvie's voice. I mumble "Sorry" my voice cracks and makes it sound like I was crying. "Baby, don't cry..it's okay. I'm on my way.." "n-no no, it's okay vie...I'm on my way back..." "No cole I'm on my way. Where are you?" I sigh knowing I can't stop her. "Griffith park." "Did you hurt yourself?" "No, not recently..." "how long ago?" "Three weeks ago.." I hear her sigh. "Why?" "Flashbacks...memories...I needed a release and drugs and alcohol weren't doing it for me..." "when did the drugs start?" "A week after I hurt you.. after I thought I killed you..." "colbaby.." I sniffle. "I'm sorry." "It's okay..." we stay silent on the phone for twenty minutes before she says "okay, I'm here. I'm waiting in the parking lot by your car, we can get your car tomorrow." I nod forgetting she can't see me and say "okay..." I go to hang up but she tells me not to until I get into the car and I comply and hike all the way down to her car.

~𝔸𝕗𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝕥𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕤𝕙𝕚𝕥𝕪 𝕙𝕚𝕜𝕖~
I get down and she says she sees me. I look around and see her car. I hesitantly get in the car and hang up the phone. I don't dare look at her. Ashamed of what I've done and put her through... "Hi baby... will you talk to me face to face?" "I-I guess..." I sigh "where's the kid..?" "Oh, uh, I don't know how to put this gently but I lost the baby after, y'know..." she trails off, her voice cracking a little. "I-" I start to cry again knowing that I killed our baby. "I fucked up so badly...I never wanted to do this...I can't believe that I did that...." I sob out. I feel her put her hand in my hair and scratch my scalp, knowing that always calms me down. She keeps trying but I'm too messed up right now to even notice. She sighs. "How about we head home and talk more then...we can hang out in your room or mine, whatever you wanna do." I nod a little. Not being able to say anything. She takes her hand out of my hair and we start the drive back home. Halfway through the drive she says "so, guess who me, Sam and mike saw today at the ice cream parlor" trying to lighten the mood. "Who...?" I mumble out. My voice still kinda shaky. "We saw gage. He was wondering where you were. But none of us knew." "He's in town....?" "Yes my love, maybe we could meet up with him at some point." "Yeah..." I look down avoiding her eyes. "Colby, you need to let it go, you did what you had to..I knew the risks and I still let it happen..And, hey, who knows, maybe we could try again...?" "No vie...we can't..." "why..?" "I'm dating Sam..." I secretly whimper out. "But he's dating my dad..? Does my dad know...? What do you mean..?" "Uh, sams dating mike yes but me as well, mike knows..." "so you're gay?" " uh no.. I'm bi.." "oh, alright. Maybe in the future then..." she says kind of sounding disappointed.

~𝔸𝕥 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕙𝕠𝕦𝕤𝕖~
We walk in and see a worried Sam and mike trying to comfort him. Sam sees me and runs into my arms and I bury my face into his neck and start sobbing uncontrollably. "Colbs, what happened? Why we're you gone so long?" He guides me over to the couch and he's sits down and I cuddle into him sobbing.

~𝕊𝕪𝕝𝕧𝕚𝕖 ℙ𝕆𝕍~
(Tw/ mentions of ab()rtion/m!scarrage)
Mike and I go into the massive kitchen "what happened Серебро?" "He was at Griffith, and I picked up up, found out about him doing drugs now, you and him dating Sam and I told him I lost the baby...he hasn't done well after that..." "shit, we weren't gonna tell you yet, knowing you still care for him." "Dad, if I know I can't have him, I'm not gonna keep trying. Do I still love him? Yes. Is he with someone else? Yes. Can I have him? No. I'm not like you and going to keep chasing one person that I can't have!" "Don't fucking yell at me." "May I remind you that I'm an adult and can do as I please. You can't control me anymore!" Both of our accents coming on extremely thick, anyone else wouldn't be able to understand us. "I'm still your father! YOU listen to ME!" "I DONT KNOW WHAT THE FUCK YOU'RE SMOKING TO MAKE YOU THINK THAT YOU CONTROL ME!" "THE FACT THAT YOU CAME OUT OF ME IS WHAT MAKES ME THINK THAT!!" "SOMETIMES I WISH MOM HAD A MISCARRIAGE OR ABORTION! MAYBE EVEN SWALLOWED ME!! BUT NO I HAD TO BE BORN TO SHITTIEST FATHER IN THE WORLD!! YOU CANT MANAGE TO KEEP YOUR DICK IN YOUR PANTS FOR TWENTY SECONDS!! I WISH I ENDED UP LIKE MOM!!" "Maybe that could be arranged." "Knowing you, you probably would fucking kill your own god damn kid. Im a mistake anyway, you've said it before. Cole managed to kill his kid too. I don't know why I ever wanted to find you..." I let a tear slip my eye. I grab both of the bottles of vodka and go up to my room. Closing and locking the door.

~𝕊𝕒𝕞 ℙ𝕆𝕍~
I take Colby up to his room after he falls asleep somehow during the fighting. I see Sylvie go up to her room with two bottles of vodka and tears in her eyes. I rush downstairs and see mike looking stressed out sitting on the couch. "What did you say to her?!" "I just reminded her who the fuck is her father." "What?" I don't understand a word he says from his accent. He clears his throat and suppresses his accent for the most part and repeats what he said. I sigh. "Love, she is, what, twenty-one? She can handle herself. She doesn't need her dad anymore. However, if I am pregnant, haven't checked yet, I'm waiting for Sam. The other kid may need their dad. But for now, be a good dad and go talk to her before she gets drunk. If she's anything like you. She's probably already through her first bottle." Mike nods and gets up. He gets up and goes upstairs I follow but go to Colby's room and cuddle him before falling asleep.

~𝕄𝕚𝕜𝕖 ℙ𝕆𝕍~
I knock on her door wait. I hear a click and the door opens. "What Michael? Here to remind me that I'm a failure? A waste of sperm? I would go on but I'd rather not have to waste your time." "No, I'm here to apologize, thanks to Sam." "Well tell your little boy toy to mind his business. This is none of his business anyway. Now If you won't leave me alone on this side of the house, I'll go to the other side of the house. Maybe they would wanna talk to me with the respect that someone didn't teach you." "Watch what you say about him. I don't care what you say about me but talk shit about him again and I'll slap the taste out of your mouth." "Thanks asshole. Maybe the real waste of sperm was you." "Whatever, get out of my house." "Gladly. I hate you anyway. Mom was right, she never should've loved you." "She was right about another thing, regretting having such a failure like you." "Maybe I'll make it easier and make it so I was never born. Don't bother with a gravestone." "Whatever, no blood on my hands." "Actually, I prefer to go out in a traditional way. Some roulette." She pulls out a revolver. "One bullet six tries. Isn't this how you lost your sister?" She laughs. Spins the barrel and points it at her head.

Click

Click

Click

Bang

A/N
Holy fuck this was long. But also, drama.
Word count: 1550