My Unrequited Love For A Troublmaker[kotlc]

Chapter 5: Pain

a/n: some of the things that are talked about are hard to talk about. If you are ever are actually feeling this way please get the help you need. It's not anything funny. Also I am not a professional at writing things like what is talked about in this chapter, so please don't judge or hate me. Sorry for the dark chapter. I didn't intend for it to go this way, but it fits really well even if it is kind of dark. But once again. Sorry for what you are about to read.

Dealing with hanahaki is really painful. I'm not even onto the last two stages yet. I'm on Stage 2 right now. But still. I wish I never fell in love to begin with, but there is nothing that I can do. There are other times I wish I were dead sometimes, but I could never do that to Linh. She would be so heartbroken.

It was after class one day. I was walking to my locker to put away my books that I didn't need for my next class that I had. As I'm heading around one of the hallway corners, I see Keefe talking to Sophie for a moment. I creep closer to see what they are talking about. The next thing I know, Keefe pulls Sophie into a tight embrace. His head is resting on her shoulder. I then catch him whispering into Sophie's ear, "Thank you so much. You don't know how much I appreciate what you have done for me." Sophie pulls Keefe into a tighter hug and whispers back to him, "No problem. I'm always here for you." 

I don't know why, but my eyes prick with a sensation that feels like I'm going to cry. I don't want anyone to see me when I cry, so I run to the single person bathroom. On the way there, I don't realize that I passed Linh and she decides to follow behind me. Probably because she was worried about me.

Once I finally make it to the bathroom, I break down sobbing and fall down onto the cold bathroom floor. The familiar tickling sensation in the back of my throat appears. As I'm crying I say, "No. No. No. NO! Please not right now. Not right here." That's all that I'm able to get out before I go into a fit of coughs. More than a handful of the beautiful and delicate ice blue flower petals fall from my lips to the floor. Red blood accents the crisp white  bathroom floor and covers some of the delicate petals. I'm just sitting on the floor and continue coughing, I don't even notice Linh opening the bathroom door. 

Once she sees me on the floor with a trail of blood coming from my mouth and streaks of tears from my eyes, she rushes over to my side and puts her arms around me in a comforting gesture. I feel her arm and look up to see who it is and see that it's Linh. Seeing her look at me the way she was just made me sob and cough even harder. I tried to speak, "I'm. . . Sorry. . . I'm. . . Sorry. . . I'm. . . So. . . So. . .Sorry!" She started to rub my back to help me. "Shhh. Shhh. It's alright. I'm right here." She tried to comfort me, but it didn't help. "Why. . . Me? . . Why. . . Did. . . It. . . Have. . . To. . . Be. . . Me?" "Shhh. Calm down Tam." It didn't help me at all.I just started coughing even harder. I felt more tingling. This time I could tell it would be good. 

When I was finally able to cough it up, it was not just a handful of the ice blue petals. It was a whole flower. The flower was really and truly beautiful even if it was covered in blood. More blood continued to come from my mouth and even a few more almost looking whole flowers. I had stopped coughing after that. I was finally able to breathe properly. Then something just snapped inside of me. "I-I'm going to die." Linh pulled me into a hug at that point. "Shh. No you're not Tam. You will live. We will get through this together." I could tell she was trying to comfort me with her words, but it wasn't convincing when I could feel her tears fall onto my head. I just kept repeating the same words over and over after that. "I'm going to die. Someone should kill me. Kill me please. I wanna die." I dug and scratched at my arms as I repeated it over and over. Linh grabbed my hands to stop me from doing anymore harm to myself. She continued crying along with me.