An Hour Glass Of Memories

January 18th

TW: self harm suicide

Why today? Of all days possible why today? He kicked the wall out of frustration his eyes going blurry. He didn't want to be awake for today never mind have actually got to function.

He walked over to the door locking the door shut. He sighed his mind racing impossibly fast. Every thought was going a thousand miles per hour.

Dabi sat down his back against the wall and glared at the door. He wanted for him not to be the one to blame when he locks them all away. He didn't want to have been the one to resort to pushing the others away and back himself into a little hole.

He could feel himself slowly spiralling into the same mindset he'd had before. 'Just once more, go on what harm will it do?' He could hear the little voice in his head say. Just once more.

He took out his blade and pulled his trousers to his knees cutting the skin on his thighs. He went side to side with the blade leaving a trail of blood marking where it had gone.

It didn't really hurt. In fact it didn't at all. He liked the way the scars looked on him. He liked the reminded that he didn't have to do it until those ones healed. It was comforting in a sense.

What bothered him, is what they would say. If they found out, if the league found out he didn't know what they would say. Before it had been lectures and scoldings, when it had gotten worse it had gone to talking about feelings.

He had a feeling, this time would be begging and pleading.

He carried on with the blade, side to side over and over. The thin lines of sliced skin growing in amount every time he slid the cool metal over his thigh.

He couldn't do this today. What had made anyone think he of all people could deal with this shitty of a day. He couldn't and that was the sad truth.

He's survived 23 years of this. That was 23 birthdays, 23 days of anger, 23 shitty days he drowned out the sadness with other meaningless tasks.

He couldn't do it anymore. He was going to go crazy if he didn't get out of here soon.

His meds were running low but his backup plan was still in place. It had been since he turned 16. Once he realised he was going to be homeless forever it all went downhill.

He'd been to therapists and councillors but they didn't stay, mostly due to the sketchiness of them all. His paranoia was getting worse and he felt he couldn't trust anyone anymore. Not even the league.

He got up from his seat on the floor. Today was the day. He took out a bottle of pills from the drawer and a couple packets of paracetamol.

He took them all out of the packet putting them into the bottle before tipping his head back and downing them. He picked up some water off the side and took a drink washing down the pills.

Now he was on a timer.

He smiled a little at the knowing that very soon, he would finally be freed from all the bullshit that had happened in the past.

As he felt his vision start to go black he heard someone rattle the doorknob.
"Dabi? Are you in there?" Someone said from behind the door.

He frowned, he felt awful for leaving them behind. He hoped to god they could forgive him. As the rattling continues more frantic now, he thought about the league.

What about Toga? She would never forget him. She would be heartbroken her big brother had died.

He carried on thinking about it all until the door clicked open. Shigaraki ran into the room shaking him by the shoulders.
"You-you fucking idiot! You said you were fine and you go and do THIS?!" Shigaraki yelled.

"Come on stay awake with me I don't want to lose you too come on!" He said frantically shaking him as his vision went black.

——————————————————————

It had been six months since Dabi died. Nothing was the same.

Shigaraki still has nightmares about the day and how he could have stopped him if only he'd have seen the signs. He constantly visits his room and sits on his bed looking at his old photo album.

Toga still goes to see her big brother by his grave every time she can. She leaves trinkets and talks to him about what's been going on in the league recently.

Compress will often bring him water to drink or go to wake him up when nobody leaves his room after twelve am.

Kurogiri often cleans his room and acts as a route to his grave when the league goes to see him.

Spinner takes photos of the sky when he can often to carry on 'making memories' with him as he puts it. He often watches when the sunsets and rises to see when his friend is awake.

Twice will go to his room to sit and make forts with Toga like they all used to when he was with them. He always carries around Dabis old good luck charm in his pocket as something that reminds him of his teammate.

The league doesn't know why he did it. They don't know why he didn't tell them or why he did it then.

But every year, on January 18th. They go to his grave together and talk about how life is without him and how they forgive him for what he did.

But they often wonder, why then? Of all days possible, why then?