A Fuckboy gone wrong - A REAL DATING STORY

Chapter 10 - TJ - May 2022

The Reunion  - Part 1

May 1st 2022

Hello dear readers,

Yo...

It's me. Yep ...

Pour yourself a drink, because I am gonna take you on a ride:)

So, I am a year older. And smarter, hopefully. Ha - More fun for sure. More cynical but also more mature. I am writing from a place of peace - no more pain or sadness. 

HOLY FUCK  - When I go back and read the first 8 chapters I am also a bit shocked. I am no longer that version of myself. I grew so much stronger, I have self-respect, self worth, self love and I would never be in this situation again. But I learned how one can end up there. I learned how love can make you sick. 

I have stopped writing about Moritz for almost half a year now. whoot, whoot. While every time right before I fall asleep I think about him, and I hope he was well and happy, I've found ways to move on. I am learning that you can love someone from afar. Still I'd wished we had more contact. I hate for things to be stuck.

So, I have news. 

I am having emotional issues with someone else. - HAHAH - isn't that refreshing? 

I haven't heard from Moritz in forever and while it still feels wrong that we can't be together...but WELCOME TO SOME SIDE STORY ABOUT SOMEONE ELSE before I dive right back into the Moritz tale.

I have mentioned him before - And yes - it's not any less complicated. But it is progress.  TJ.... 

TJ

As a little recap - TJ was the man I reconnected with in winter 2021. He was in a relationship and yet our connection was an anchor in this madness for me. 

Unlike with Moritz, there was just alignment. From day one I felt like this relationship was productive and genuinely good for both of our mental and spiritual growth. 

He was a silver lining, a comfort, a teacher and a lesson. 

In many ways it appeared like I found him in a place where he felt unseen for the gift he brings into this world. And without trying to flatter myself but I believe I was able to switch on his courage, and self-worth especially in regards to his career but also to his overall confidence. I strongly believed in TJ's gift to the world. I saw something in him, that was so precious and that I wanted the world to see and I threw myself into the task to be the person that would help him on that mission. Seeing him on his journey to become the truest version of himself was also a healing journey for me myself.

When I met him, I just knew that once he is fully connected to all that he is, that he will make the world a better place by just being himself and affecting people with his art. I see so much in him. There were just so many layers on top of that, that needed to be worked through and I took it upon me to help him do that. 

The fact that he allowed me to find and guide him gave me so much. He made me feel like I was worthy in a time where I couldn't find it within. The notion that he desired me on all levels, body, mind and soul - unlike Moritz who seemed to predominately like my sexual energy and body,  gave me back so much self-confidence. TJ showed me where my power lied. He gave me validation for all I was, he made me feel beautiful again. 

TJ's soul and the connection I have with him to me is rare and exceptional. It's one of the rarest connections I have ever had with someone. It feels like we are moving in the same directions- Unlike with Moritz where so much feels stuck, TJ's and my paths seem to be aligned and it's a powerful connection, one that shakes me at times. It's so progressive in terms of possibility and growth. Whenever he is around me I feel "on". It feels like my bubbles and lightbulb is one. He also allows me to be me. I feel like we both activate each other's greatest potentials. I see and understand and feed off his energy - and vice versa. We boost each others confidence. But on the down side, we trigger one another.