FreakShow | Finn Wolfhard x Reader

Chapter twenty

Song doesn't have anything to do with the chapter but I love it so I thought I'd recommend it you're interested. This band is only instrumental
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"Can you please just tell me why you won't let me copy your homework." Malcolm plead. My eyelids twitch with irritation shaking my head. He huffed loudly and glanced back at the teacher who wasn't paying attention to us. "Why not? I've never asked you before if I could copy something."

"You should've done it when you had the chance."

"But I was with Finn last night and we were having a movie marathon. That was more important okay, Jackass is our shit."

"Yeah okay." I sarcastically smirk. "You still had time, actually could've done it while y'all were making sweet sweet love."

He pushed up his glasses before pointing his fingers at me. "Do not disrespect our bromance like that."

I popped my knuckled anxiously looking at the clock. Just a few more minutes and it's time for lunch, I'm so fucking hungry I could literally rip a horse guts out and eat it like a zombie.

"Is Rosie coming today?" I wondered. She hasn't been at school in the past few days and isn't responding to anyone texts. It's starting to worry me because she's never like this. He just shrugged not paying attention to a word I was saying. He was to busy scrambling to copy someone else's homework. I don't know why he's so uptight about this, it don't even affect our grades. "Omg there she is!" Rosie came in as soon as the bell rang, she looked out of it and like she hasn't slept in days. "Omg where the hell have you been? I've been worried sick!" My arms slung around her neck as I embraced her.

"Yeah yeah, I missed you too. I was at my grandparents for the past few days and they decided to take my fucking phone. All because I refuse to give it to them when they told me they're gonna take it every night. No one is allowed to touch my phone. Well that and I cussed out my grandma. She kept griping about my pink hair. I just wanted her to shut up and she may or may not have overheard me tell her to shut the fuck up."

"Well thank goodness everything is okay though. Now let's head to lunch because I'm about to lose it. I can't stand this dizziness feeling it just pissed me off."

"Yeah...we can tell." Malcolm smirks. I rolled my eyes at his response, speed walking.

At Finn's house I was laying on his bed while he was playing the game with Nick. Nick kept side eyeing me, no surprise he still dislike me after seeing what happened. I don't know what all he said to Finn but I know he thinks Finn is out of his mind for letting me back in or thinks I'm going to hurt him like that. I would never do that to him. But I also don't blame him for feeling the way he does about me, I wouldn't want someone I care about to fall for someone who's possibly a sociopath.

When I was little that's what they identified me as because I had no emotion or guilt hurting things, I never purposely killed an animal but one time I ran over a rabbit with a bike. I didn't feel bad, I just picked it up and looked at the heart that was sticking out. Although I gotta admit, I did stomp on the heart. I don't know why I did it, but what I did know was my mom was scared out of her mind screaming. She came out right as she saw me stomp on the heart. She thought I killed the rabbit on purpose, I didn't. I lacked emotion growing up and all the friends I had, I didn't like at all, I just liked the feeling they gave me. I didn't feel bad when I ripped one of their hair out, I didn't feel bad when I got angry and smash one of the kids face with a rock. All he got was a broken nose but that was where my mom drew the line and took me to counseling. I gotten better throughout the years but some emotions I still have trouble handling. Both of my parents from that moments knew I had the ability to kill, they were just waiting for the moment. It came close many times but I never had intentions to do it, my anger just took over. The blackouts started when I was 13. Some of me lashing out and getting physical or times where I just find myself on my bed, my thighs covered in blood and many small stab wounds from needles. That's what I did when I was young until I was about fourteen, I would harm myself to prevent hurting someone else. It wouldn't work most of the time but it did lessen the anger.

I don't like who I am, and I've been trying to get better but it's hard. I don't know how people can be happy with no trauma, everyone loves them, happy family, happy soul, I envy them. I'd do anything to not feel like this. But I have Finn, and he was too kind to let me back in after what he saw. I literally stabbed someone and could've killed them, I'm a monster. But he saw the good in me, I don't know how, he's a damn fool though for believing in me that I can get better. I don't think someone like me can get better, we just get better at hiding our feelings and sucking it in. Finn does bring out the best in me along with Alejandro and his dad. They're like family and I wouldn't want anything else. Rosie is the first girl friend I've ever had that I genuinely cared about. She's shy but to me and Malcolm, she's very bold. Drops the F-bomb a lot but I love that, she's growing everyday. Today when she told me her grandparents took away her phone while she was visiting I knew she was lying. I saw her the other night at a gas station, she doesn't realize I know that she has problems going on inside her own home. The big hoodie she wore that night didn't cover the bruising around her neck. I didn't say anything thought because she'll just run. I just hope she'll be able to leave that house soon.

People are so cruel, and I'm one of them. Some don't realize that the ones that do want to get better, it can get so fucking draining. It's not something that happens overnight, everything is thrown your way and it's a kick in the ass. No one likes being around them.

"Y/n, what pizza do you want?" Finn asks me.

I blinked and realized this isn't the first time he tried asking. "Uh...pepperoni is fine." I mumbled. Nick gave me another glance, an unhappy look in his eyes and I took that as the cue to leave the room while they were ordering pizza.

Downstairs I helped myself to a orange soda and sat on the couch, pulling my phone out. Dr. Howell is still treating me like a patience from time to time and will check on me in the middle of the night. It gets annoying though hearing my door creek open and hear her loud breathing.

Nick walked into the kitchen to get something from the fridge, feeling his eyes sore into me. He was wanting to say something, slowing making his way towards me before settling down in a recliner across from me.

"What do you want with Finn?" I just shrugged, still avoiding eye contact. "Listen, I'm not trying to be rude or start anything but...I can't unsee what you did. It was horrifying, you looked out of it." No shit Sherlock I was in a mental hospital. What did you expect? "You looked disgusting and terrifying. And I'm gonna tell you sum." He took a moment to lick his lips and I made a mistake looking at him. His eyes bore into mine. "I won't hesitate to kill you if you try anything with Finn that will get him harmed. Already bad enough he let you back in, he sees in the good in everything and I don't want him to get hurt."

" I won't do anything to him." There was no emotion behind my voice so he couldn't tell if I was lying or not. I wasn't.

"I don't know if I should believe that or not, but you better not hurt my brother. Remember my word." He walks off without looking back. "Oh, and I'd suggest it's time to leave."