Scared of Falling in Love

My Unfortunate Phase

Ever since I was little I was always crushing on boys. The first crush that I could remember was when I used to live in Stockton and was in Kindergarten. His name was Brian. I don't remember much about him other than the fact that he was just so adorable to my little 5 year old mind. It was your basic Kindergarten crush story. We would chase each other around the playground during recess and call each other names just because that was our way of saying "I like you". However, not that far into the year, I moved from Stockton to San Jose without saying goodbye and I never saw him again.

Okay I know that that obviously doesn't count as a heart break, but I just figured it would be interesting to talk about my very first crush. Of course, at my new elementary school I had many other stupid elementary school crushes. Brian who? Let's just say I was going through a very boy crazed phase.

That all led up to my first actual boyfriend, or as close as you could get to a boyfriend in the 6th grade. It was the first time I experienced my crush actually sharing the same feelings I had for him. Nate played a big role in my "firsts". He was my first hug with a boy, the first boy to ask me out, my first dance (too a fast song), and my first heartbreak. Because of how that phase of my life ended in the eighth grade, however, I'm glad that he wasn't my first kiss, which I have yet to experience.

So long story short, we were together for almost all of middle school . However, that so-called fairy tale of mine came to an end when he stood me up at the eighth grade dance and made out with Scarlette, the most popular girl in the school, that same night. But wait, it gets better. When I ended things between us, he claimed that his heart was shattered, which made my already shattered heart feel even worse knowing that he was hurt. But maybe a week or two later, he and Scarlette made whatever it is they had official, causing me so much pain.

Ever since that whole heartbreak incident, I've done nothing but avoid guys I didn't already know. I now continue to repeat these two lessons in my head on a daily basis.

1. Do not do all of the chasing.

and

2. Do not fall in love