Scared of Falling in Love

Not Allowing Myself

For me, Giselle, I'm not the luckiest girl when it comes to guys. It seems like every crush I've had or boy I've liked always ended in a disaster. I've dealt with so much pain and have caused so much pain to the point where I'm actually scared of actually falling in love. Most freshman girls would be so excited to seek out and find their first love, but I on the other hand am not.  If the loss of a boy I really really liked cause me that much pain , I can't even begin to imagine the pain I'd feel after losing the guy I  love. Will I ever get over this fear?

Like any other teenage girl, I fangirl over a lot of really cute celebrities. I mean the heartbreak obviously didn't affect that part of my teenage life. Thank goodness. However, for every other boy, I don't see them the same. In fact, I don't even look at myself the same way. When Nate and I liked each other, I was filled with a decent amount of self confidence. It was hard not to give some props to myself when a guy like Nate actually liked me and thought I was beautiful. But once a better offer came along, he went for it and left me lost in the really depressing, confidence crushing world of insecurity. Whenever I see a boy that I might be the slightest bit interested in, the same thoughts always pop into my head:

"What makes you think he would go for a girl like you?"

"There are so many other beautiful girls, why would he choose you?"

"You're setting yourself up for another heartbreak."

"You probably don't deserve him since you're not even sure if you're ready to risk liking someone again."

"WARNING!DANGER DANGER!"

I mean don't get me wrong. I have come across many cute boys in the past year, but I never found myself actually liking them. It's not that I don't want to have a cute young love story like I read about in all of my books. Its just that I don't think I'm actually capable of having one.

What can I say? I'm a sucker for love, yet a jinx when it comes to experiencing it for myself.

Oh well. I can totally live with it. I mean I'm sure I'll be just fine living on my own with one or two or fifty cats...... I mean of course I'll have to bring myself around to actually liking cats.

You know what, I'll just stick with dogs.