Scared of Falling in Love

Bringing up the Past

"So how was your movie date with Mason?! Did he hold your hand? Put his arm around you? Kiss you?!" I hand pick up both of our unfinished paintings from the drying rack and hand hers over to her, and walking back over to our assigned easels.

"Easy there, girl."-her pageant ready smile making its way onto her face-"So tell me again why you're always asking me about mine and Mason's relationship", Lily asks, with that smirk of hers that she's practiced and perfected. She hands me the 5 different sized paint brushes I always use. We're always able to get the best brushes first because we're always the first ones in class before the bell rings.

I wouldn't say that Lily is necessarily one of my best friends, because labeling my friendships is another one of my misfortunes. The day I call them my bestie is the day everything in our friendship flips upside down. However, she is my partner in art and we're pretty close.

"I went over this with you already"- I say chuckling- "Your love life is so intriguing. It's like my real life romance novel in front of my very own eyes." She actually looks pretty flattered and entertained before she says "Then why don't you find your own lover boy. Go start and experience your own romance novel." My giddy, mushy feeling quickly vanishes and my smile is replaced with a pained look. "You know I can't, Lily", I say barley able to get the words out of my mouth. I could feel the tears starting in my eyes. I look away, dipping the thinnest of my brushes into my patch of blue paint and continue my unfinished painting, trying to pull it together. "Giselle c'mon", she says with a sympathetic smile on her face. " Its been what? 13 months since the-"

"Lily" , I say putting extra effort into getting the words out. "Don't." A moment of remembrance comes onto her face. I push on. "He broke me, Lily."

"Which you should be over by now, Giselle. Don't even get me started on Nate. Its been over a year since he broke your heart.A guy like that never deserved you, sweetie."

I, unintentionally, slam the brush onto Easel's brush holder and look up, trying to prevent the tears from falling from my eyes to my cheeks.
         I finally turn my body towards her once I'm sure the tears have gone away. She's right. I know she is. She's only given me this lecture a million times. However, it's been a while since the last time we agreed to never bring it up. Don't get the wrong idea. I absolutely DO NOT have feelings for Nate anymore. It's just that the incident supposedly emotionally scarred me. It just made it harder for me to like someone, knowing how badly things could, and probably would, end up. "Seriously though, Giselle", she says, drawing me out of my mess of a mind. "What are you so afraid of? Getting hurt? Or hurting someone", she says with a hint of concern in her voice. She manages to maintain the kind tone in her voice.

"Both", I say. It comes out with a little more force than I intended it to. I want to apologize as soon as the words are said, but I just pick up my brush and go over the parts that were already painted, too embarrassed to face my terrible treatment towards Lily's kindness.