One Week

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Set in S5 while Pam is away at art school.
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It's hard getting used to.

I'm still not accustomed to the fact that you live states away, with long roads and many miles keeping us apart. The days are long now, but somehow I have managed 7 entire days of sunshine's and sunsets without you next to me.

It's been one week since you left for New York and I don't think I can do 11 more.

I watch as you draw on a small piece of white Dunder-Mifflin cardstock over the monitor of my computer. "It's just three months, we've been away from each other for nearly six. I think we'll be okay." You erase it then, flicking your small wrist to remove the dust that collected over your paper.

Through the monitor I see folders and papers stacked on top of your desk. Your dorm room is small. Really small. And I'm a pretty big guy so I think everything is small but I really don't know how you live in this place. It's tiny.

"But we weren't together then." I argue.

"I know. That's why this will be easier. No second guessing. No hanging up in the middle of a phone call," hearing that makes me think of Stamford and Ryan Howard, it reminds me of the distance - of how close we'd always come to be together and yet somehow fate would pull us apart. Somehow there would always be a form of miscommunication that would prevent me from being with you. Either way, it makes me laugh a bit. It's a sad laugh but it's a laugh, "And we'll visit every weekend."

The last time we had this conversation I was the one reassuring. But it's been one week since you've been gone. "I know. I just miss you."

"I miss you too." You sigh, pout your lip at me then say, "I'm not going anywhere, ya'know."

"I know."

"I'm here for the long run, Halpert."

Thing is, you're not here. So I don't get to hear your breathing and your laugh or your large over exaggerated sighs you let out when you're bored.

"I know, Beesly."

I miss you a lot. But I can't tell you that because you're Pam, and I know what you'd think. You would say it's cheesy and corny and you always hated couples that expressed their feeling for each other every chance they got. You hated the overly annoying couples so I try not to be like them.

But the truth is I really miss you. And I'm sleeping in my bed alone tonight without you and I can't help but get that weird feeling in my chest. The one that feels like your heart dropping to the bottom of your stomach. I miss your hands and your hair.

I miss your smile and the way the sun felt on my skin when you would hold my hand.

I wish you stayed in Scranton. I wish you had found an art program here. But you're following your dreams and I'm so so happy for you.

Really, I am.

I don't want to repeat the past of a former lover. I want to encourage you and be there for you, because truth is, you have never had someone in your corner.

I hope you know how proud of you I am.

"Hey," You say over the monitor, pulling me out of my trance, "I love you."

I smile. "I love you too."

So much.

"I'm gonna head to bed, okay?" Your head is down, and it looks like you're drawing on your paper, still focused and committed to the art you're creating in your hands.

"Okay," I say. "Goodnight."

I go to bed without you again. I hope that you're warm in that small room. I hope that the shine of the moon emits enough light to keep you safe from the dark.

It's nights like these when I wish you were tucked between my arms. Nights where thoughts fill my head and all I want is that reddish-brown hair of yours to be littered across my apartment even though it drives me crazy.

It's another day done and all I can think about is how we only have 11 more weeks between us.

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⏰ Last updated: Aug 26 ⏰

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