Ecstasy

Chapter 4;Contemplation

As we pulled into the driveway, Ddaeng sat outside waiting for us. He looked quite dreary. Sad, even. He was on the stairs, on his phone, texting god-knows who. He's always on his damn phone. He's had so many girlfriends, to the point where I don't even know who he's with, or who he's broken up with, or who he's blocked. He looked sunken, like he hadn't slept in a while. He was paler, and thinner. He looked malnourished, like he'd been starving himself. I almost felt bad for him. I still love him. Is he undergoing some kinda repentance? Does he even feel bad about what he fucking did to us? How he made us feel? Sometimes, I just wonder whether or not I should forgive him. He holds a place in our hearts still, but.. He's acting so strange. Just the way he did the day he got expelled. When he dropped out. When everything got worse. When he started treating us like dog shit. I knew he was going through something, but please don't take it out on us. I didn't want that to happen. That's not what I wanted! Not what we needed! Don't push me away.. Please Ddaeng, not again. Not again..

We hopped out of the car, and joined him on the steps. He put on what looked like his best fake smile, and greeted us.

"How was school?" He asked us, pushing away his flip phone to the side of the veranda.

"Fine." Ru said, pushing through to the door, his side bag overflowing with textbooks, and reading books. He'd taken more classes this year, I haven't got a clue why. Dumbass.. He can barely balance sports with Uni level functions. Ddaeng made a face at him and smiled at me through sallowed skin and sunken eyes, and a part of me saw the piece of him we thought we lost years ago. Is he back? Is he?

"And you, princess blue? Milady?" He said to me, clearly thinking he said the funniest thing ever, extending his hand in a small bow pompously. Just a glimmer of him left in there.

"Prison-like, as always. You know how it is," I said, laying back on the concrete, letting out a large sigh as I hit the cold rock. I felt him lay back beside me, and I knew he was looking over at me. I could feel his eyes boring into my skin, but I didn't dare look back, because I felt tears welling in my eyes. I didn't even know why. Why? Why am I crying? Because I missed him. I missed moments like this. I missed spending time with the person I once loved with all my heart, my once favourite cousin. I didn't want him to see me cry. I didn't want that, I wanted our friendship back. How's crying about it gonna help? I couldn't answer that question. With a sudden jolt, I looked at Kyushi who feigned a ridiculously loud sigh.

"I got my phone taken away!" Kyushi added dramatically, like he couldn't live without it. More like he couldn't live without girls texting him every second. He literally lives off of it. Texting and shit, playing fucking Brickbreaker.

"Mom's gonna kill you!" Satoro gasped, matching Kyushi's over pronounced dramatism. Agh, I wished I was daydreaming again, but nothing really happens anymore. This is the most exciting it's been since my last year of school began. I've got to savour it before it becomes the same old schedule again.

"Aw, shut up Toro.. I'll get it back tomorrow, I'm sending an appeal email to her later." Kyushi said, scratching the back of his head. Ddaeng laughed loudly, now averting his attention to Kyushi's reddening face.

"Both of you shut up." I smiled, getting up. I think I got up too fast, my head started pounding, I felt the blood rushing back down.

"No." Satoro laughed, kneeling down to give me a noogie. I grinned, and winced as his knuckles rubbed my skull harshly. It feels normal. Like, actually normal. Like I could stay here forever, and I'd stay happy.

But then, before I knew it, it was already Friday, the day of my date with Ivi. I wasn't ready. I couldn't do it. I know I can't. A girl like that deserves someone better. Not me. Ivi deserved someone who didn't have so much on their mind. So, definitely not me. And what if we don't hit it off? Then I'll still feel horrible. Like I've failed her. Or myself. Then that would feel even worse.