Forward

Perspective.

After receiving the news, the group stayed paused in the waiting room. Their friend was really gone. The news was hard to accept and Jordan was having the toughest time. So bad that Simone had to take him back home. The friend group had grown apart over the years and no one knew that JJ was struggling with an alcohol addiction except Asher since they remained close after college.

JJ had been drinking at a friend's house before leaving to go home. Minutes later, he ran off the road. It was heartbreaking to think that JJ had been struggling in silence. The once rambunctious, party friend was suffering and they were all in the dark. Spencer and Jordan talked to him occasionally but after a fallout between the boys in college, communication was reduced to a few texts every now and then. Guilt riddled them both.

Outside of the hospital Spencer said his goodbyes since he had to leave on an early morning flight. When Olivia was the last person left, Spencer offered her a ride back to her parents' house. Instead of taking the exit to the Beverly house, he drove to one of their hideout spots they found the summer before Olivia left for Baltimore.

"This shit is crazy," Spencer spoke. He cut off his engine and stared at the city below the overlook. "Never thought dude was hurting like that. Always seemed so happy."

"Sometimes the people that seem the happiest are struggling the most," Olivia mentioned. "I wish I would have stayed in contact with him more. Maybe I could have helped him."

"Lots of 'I wishes' and we can't go back and change anything," he added. "It's scary how a person can be here one minute and gone the next. JJ was a good dude."

"He was a lot at times but a good friend. Had everyone's back. I'm going to miss him."

As they both reflected individually, Spencer began thinking about how short life really could be. At any given moment someone could be gone, forever changing those lives they touched. Then Spencer thought about those struggling in silence and how he was one of them during his senior year. Once Olivia was sent to Baltimore, he buried himself into football and finished out his senior year. Buried himself so deep, that he even hid his true feelings from Dr. Spears and everyone else around him. He didn't want to hear the same thing over and over again. It's not your fault. She has to heal on her own. You did the right thing. Though it was what he needed to hear, he didn't want to hear it because it didn't change anything. He still felt guilty and assumed their relationship would never be the same. He was right about that. They had both changed through that process.

"Is it weird that every time I hear about someone dying from their addiction that I have a weird sense of survivor's guilt," Olivia questioned.

"No, because oddly enough I feel that way when I hear about people dying from gun violence. Like why was I spared and a five year old wasn't," Spencer shared.

"I guess we're still here for a reason, huh," she replied, letting her head roll to the side as she gazed at Spencer's profile. His tightened jaw relaxed when he felt those warm brown eyes on him. "JJ would say we're being ridiculously negative right now."

"And he's right. We've both been through shit but  we're still here. Let's make the most of it. Deal," he turned his hand over so his palm rested on Olivia's thigh.

"Deal," she smiled, pushing her fingers through the spaces between his. He wanted to lean over the console to kiss her but didn't want to push his luck since they were taking it slow. Olivia could feel the change in the mood and realized the ball was in her court.
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The next day Spencer was headed back to Baltimore, while Olivia stayed in Los Angeles for one more night. Jordan was at least able to talk that morning, though he was still having crying spells. He felt like he let his childhood friend down and it was eating him up inside.